To the guy I am currently “dating,”
I think I love you, and it really hurts. It hurts because I will never get the love that I want back from you. I understand, we are completely different people, who show and receive love in different ways.
Except…I don’t really know if I believe that you love me. Maybe you do, maybe more than you’ve loved anyone else. But it’s not enough, is it?
It’s not enough to tell me you miss me when we haven’t seen each other in days. It’s not enough to apologize for texting your ex-girlfriend and telling her you “wished they could date again,” (that one still really hurts me). If you love me, its not enough to tell me I’m beautiful when I spend an hour getting ready.
Everyone I tell about you tells me that I’m being stupid. You don’t really care about me, not enough to change the things you do.
Why can’t I leave? Why can’t I realize that this is hopeless, and that I am being weak and pathetic? Any time I decide to try, I look into your fucking gorgeous brown eyes and melt down into nothing again. Your smile lights up parts of me that your anger shuts down. I can’t get enough, and it hurts and feels amazing and is horrible and beautiful and crazy and stupid and sane.
Love me, or let me go. Because I don’t think I’m strong enough to leave.