The truth? Hmm. Where do I begin? Let’s start with what I know. I know that I feel as though you hear me on a level that no one else seems to. I know that being around you puts me in this giddy mood. I feel like a little girl again with a schoolgirl crush. And I enjoy it. Is it flirtation? I don’t know. I know that when you withdraw I get sad and feel lonely. I feel as though my partnerin crime has abandoned me. I know that’s silly. Another thing that I am sure of is that I lost my zest for life and felt dead inside before you came into view. A part of me still feels that way, but you have inspired me to be a better person. And you’ve inspired me to seek fun and adventure and to find fulfillment within myself. Do I love you? Absolutely! How could I not, after all of this?
Do I love you romantically?
Well, that is a whole other category in itself. Yes, I believe I have romanticized you or at least, the image of you in my mind. I understand that you don’t feel the same. And in a way, I have started to realize that I am not even sure if I believe in romantic love anymore. I tgink back, and I am reminded of the moonlight, the fire flickering, and the melody floating on thsnight wind. Were they all just romanticized tricks of the environment used to make me believe in that sort of thing again? That romance is real? Perhaps the reason I can’t let go of you in my mind is because you represent the last romantic love I believed in. Maybe that’s why my heart and my mind can’t seem to let you go.
But you are not mine. I don’t have you. Nor do I want to. To call you mine, would be like trapping the beautiful flickering flames under a glass box, only to watch the fire quickly die. To possess you, would be to suffocate you. I am the same, so I understand.
Well, after rambling on, I guess the best truth I can offer about my feelings is I rarely let myself feel them long enough to really know what they are, what they mean, or what causes them. I love you. I love your presence in my life. And I am happy with the way things are now, for the most part.