• The truth about my feelings…

    by  • May 15, 2017 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 3 Comments

    The truth? Hmm. Where do I begin? Let’s start with what I know. I know that I feel as though you hear me on a level that no one else seems to. I know that being around you puts me in this giddy mood. I feel like a little girl again with a schoolgirl crush. And I enjoy it. Is it flirtation? I don’t know. I know that when you withdraw I get sad and feel lonely. I feel as though my partnerin crime has abandoned me. I know that’s silly. Another thing that I am sure of is that I lost my zest for life and felt dead inside before you came into view. A part of me still feels that way, but you have inspired me to be a better person. And you’ve inspired me to seek fun and adventure and to find fulfillment within myself. Do I love you? Absolutely! How could I not, after all of this?

    Do I love you romantically?

    Well, that is a whole other category in itself. Yes, I believe I have romanticized you or at least, the image of you in my mind. I understand that you don’t feel the same. And in a way, I have started to realize that I am not even sure if I believe in romantic love anymore. I tgink back, and I am reminded of the moonlight, the fire flickering, and the melody floating on thsnight wind. Were they all just romanticized tricks of the environment used to make me believe in that sort of thing again? That romance is real? Perhaps the reason I can’t let go of you in my mind is because you represent the last romantic love I believed in. Maybe that’s why my heart and my mind can’t seem to let you go.

    But you are not mine. I don’t have you. Nor do I want to. To call you mine, would be like trapping the beautiful flickering flames under a glass box, only to watch the fire quickly die. To possess you, would be to suffocate you. I am the same, so I understand.

    Well, after rambling on, I guess the best truth I can offer about my feelings is I rarely let myself feel them long enough to really know what they are, what they mean, or what causes them. I love you. I love your presence in my life. And I am happy with the way things are now, for the most part.

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    3 Responses to The truth about my feelings…

    1. @ author
      May 16, 2017 at 7:23 am

      Romance is very real! The environment around you is always the same, but it’s when you hear the melodies in the wind and the flicker in the fire, the moonlight is the best you’ve ever seen ” its the person the moonlight is shining on at that moment that makes it’s the best one! ” you can bet it’s romance at it’s best. Add chemistry to the mixture .

      Wow! You are the definition of romance. If only your masks you try and wore would just fall off. You would be able to see clearer….. Damn those masks. They don’t do you or anyone any good! But I will let you in on a little secret.

      Come closer so my lips brush your ear as I say ” you my girl are gorgeous with or without the masks. I’ve seen you both ways. Once the mask fell off when I held you to me, you could wear a mask no more….. You are absolutely gorgeous scars and all. Even after self sabotage. You can’t ubdo what you are.



      • Author
        May 26, 2017 at 3:06 pm

        Beautifully comforting words! Thank you very much! You couldn’t be him. Could you? Nevertheless, your words spoke to me and I will allow my mind to torturously believe once more.

        You couldn’t be talking about that night we embraced so passionately that I almost felt our bodies molding together, could you? It was supposed to be a simple goodnight gesture, but I felt your hands sliding across my back and then change direction. Tingles. Your touch fell slowly down the middle of my back and then slid along my waistline, until I got scared and quickly pulled away. If I didn’t, I knew I would have given into my lustful urges.

        I have so often wondered what would have happened if I hadn’t broken the embrace that night. Where would we be? Who would we be? It doesn’t matter now. The moment has passed.


    2. DSinger
      May 22, 2017 at 1:46 am

      Words can be beautiful! Unfortunately, they just are not reality.



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