I had stopped coming here after our phone call because “thats what i needed to hear.” Im doing my best my best to do me. Ive been going to work as much as possible before school starts, picking up multiple hobbies, got off the lease, im traveling more ect. ect. Things are going okay. You texting me out of the blue made me pretty happy honestly. Idk if it was a hint at the bill or if it was because you wanted to talk but it was nice.
I came on here today (mothers day) because my curiosity told me to just look around … only to see post that again remind me of us. Some of them sounded just like you. Some of them sounded just like me. I guarantee none of these letters, since the call, were me … idk if any of them were you though. *sigh* Fuck. Im trying to let go. Im trying to get to the point where i dont feel like i need to talk to you. Im trying to stop thinking about it. Im trying not to check on you after you told me what happened. Im trying to live. Im trying to just breathe. Im trying to be this great person everyone says I am. Im trying to stay smiling. Im trying keep pushing like i did before. Im trying to be better.
Im trying to let go of all the pain, regret, and resentment that I had. These feelings were never towards you. I resented myself & never should have let you carry any of that burden. Your actions were always sincere. You are an amazing woman. Im sorry for making you feel like anything less than that. That was really fucked up of me & I honestly do apologize.
I know one day, if i just keep at it, I’ll look back and say you were right again. This was what’s best for us. I can only be greatful to have had you in my journey of becoming a man. I love you … now, forever and always.
If there will ever be one, until next time. As for these post, this is the last time.