• Time to stop

    by  • May 7, 2017 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 7 Comments

    Dear J,

    I have been ignoring my conscience and common sense for too long, enjoying and maybe even nurturing these inappropriate feelings toward you. I think I must do my best to extricate you from my heart, before I cause any real trouble.

    I’ve come up with all sorts of reasons why I have been susceptible to your charms, but I think those reasons fail to account for how long such conditions have existed in my life and yet, I was well. “Till all graces be in one,” as Benedick opined.

    Be that as it may, however perfect-for-me you seem, we do not exist in a vacuum, and circumstances do not conform to my desires. In reality, we do not even know each other so well. And that’s completely leaving your feelings out of the equation, since there’s no reason to believe you would ever have felt the same for me.

    I hope that you are unaware of the thoughts and feelings that have formed the backdrop of my mental landscape for several months now. I wish I could be more confident in my discretion, but you have shown yourself to be uncomfortably perceptive. I hope now, as I attempt to push back such mental impropriety, that my behavior does not change considerably nor engender confusion in anyone.

    I also don’t know how successful I’m likely to be. I had originally assumed the feeling/infatuation/limerence/whatever would fade on its own, as suggested by much of what I’ve seen on the subject. It didn’t develop instantaneously, though, so perhaps hoping it would burn itself out easily was just another case of my wishful thinking. For everyone’s sake, I hope I don’t give up if the progress is as slow and inconsistent as I suspect it will be.

    So, anyway, this is not goodbye to you. It is only an attempt to say farewell for my careless handling of dangerous emotions. I still hope that someday, if you would wish it, we could be good friends.

    Well, not sure how to sign-off, as my usual is a tad distinctive…
    …,

    Me

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    7 Responses to Time to stop

    1. Me
      May 7, 2017 at 6:38 pm

      It’s been only hours since writing that, and I don’t know if I have the strength of will to fight this. I want to think of your smile, listen to your voice, imagine us together.

      I feel like a foolish girl in her first crush, but it seems as if I should be too old to have never felt like this before. I had assumed I never would, that I was probably incapable of it. I didn’t know that someone like you existed.

      But somehow it’s not supposed to matter.




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    2. Em
      May 7, 2017 at 8:11 pm

      (FYI this is not the “me” from the “Inside information” posts.)




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    3. "J"
      May 8, 2017 at 9:29 am

      Dear “Me”,

      Welcome to the real world of a painfully slow withdrawal of emotions. I share your inappropriate feelings towards a “old friend” and it has brought a lot of really tough times with it. My first mistake was misreading a bunch of, what I guess now were, just inoquios comments and gestures that meant a ton to me but were not intended to. This was a lifetime in its gestation and has been several years coming to grips with it, not out of the woods yet. Funny, I’m a “J” too and like the loser I am I saw something in your letter. My heart goes out to you, diversions are the best way to cloud thoughts. I pray you find peace and one who returns your passion. I’m a work in progress, good luck.




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      • Indeed...
        May 14, 2017 at 6:13 pm

        Innocuous…




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    4. difficult journey indeed
      May 12, 2017 at 3:14 am

      Yes, the inconsistency is obvious. Trying to step back and still hoping to be good friends sometime. As long as there is hope, moving on will be difficult, if not impossible. Try to stay away from any new input as long as you feel hope. Stay strong. Sending you a big hug.




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    5. "Jane"
      May 13, 2017 at 7:03 pm

      This is heartbreaking. Yet so beautiful. I am going through a heartbreak myself. I hope you are well.




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    6. Your correction is a display of a soulless being
      May 16, 2017 at 6:01 am

      Dear indeed,

      Really?




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