• Bleating heart

    by  • May 7, 2017 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 7 Comments

    The hardest thing in this life is living when I find myself wanting to be somewhere else. Somewhere with you.

    I consider myself quite blessed that the hardest thing in my life is missing the one I love. I know it could be worse and I often smile at the absurdity of it all. As long as my happy moments match the sad ones I am fine. Tis balance. Tis life.

    My childlike curiosity has been returning and it makes me happy. That is where I find zest.

    In case you have been wandering, yes I do still occasionally find myself trying to solve your puzzle. Our puzzle. Find the answer. The lesson. The finality. So I can officially let it go, move on, and make the best of my place here – without you. Ego weak, looking for strength.

    They say be patient. Stay positive. Do the work. Maybe in another lifetime…

    …They are stupid …

    … Because at the end of every day my heart just wants to go home. No matter how hard I try, I can’t control my heart. It gets heavy without you. Life gets heavy without you. Especially on these long sleepless nights. That is when I go to look at the stars, as I am doing right now. I smile at the magnitude. The possibilities.

    You once asked what it was that I missed.

    I answered wrong.

    The heart does not know words. It only feels.

    Mine felt yours.

    I know your heart is pure (more often than not). I know it still occasionally beats for me. No matter how long gone, I know that mine next to yours, is still my home. Albeit brief, that was the only place it ever really felt completely full, like nothing was missing.

    That is what I miss most.

    To say you are perfect would be a lie. If you were, I would not have seen you. Your imperfections, your thorns, your cover, your wall, your complexity – the sweet mixed with the sour. You are a brat and you know it! But that was the glimmer that caught my eye and drew me in. Curious fellow, I am. What I miss is your heart. That is what I fell in love with.

    You probably do not remember, because you were sleeping, but the last time I held you, I could not sleep. I felt my heart beating in unity with yours. The same frequency. 528hz perhaps? It was beautiful and that is when I realized without a doubt that I loved you. My heart made a silent promise to yours that it would find you again and beat next to yours once more.

    That never happened and mine breaks a little every day it does not.

    That’s a lot of heart breaks! Ego weak, heart strong. It always puts itself back together. Never worry about that.

    My constant-lation prize is that I can still occasionally feel your distant unconscious vibrations, calling me in.

    I do not know when or how, but I know our day will come.

    Fais de beaux rêves, mon amour…

    7 Responses to Bleating heart

    1. A
      May 8, 2017 at 5:25 am

      My heart has always called for you. That night i felt our hearts beat as one and i felt home. I felt safe. Vous serez toujours mon amour, venez me trouver

      • A
        May 14, 2017 at 11:12 pm

        If you are the person I believe to be please message me. I’ll respond. It’s been far too long and hard to keep disconnected like this. I know you feel the same way to. J’ai toujours été ici

        • Nay
          May 16, 2017 at 2:21 am

          Unfortunately she is not an A, although her name does have atleast 1 of those if I recall correctly. Alas, even if I did have a way to contact her, I would not. It is not my turn and I have already made the mistake of pressing one too many times. Thank you though, it was nice imagining for a moment.

    2. Gosh
      May 8, 2017 at 4:11 pm

      so many of your sentiments feel directed right at me.. Wouldn’t that be something?
      Yeah it’s late on my end and it must be wishful thinking but just let me dream a little
      dream of him. My Goof and I am his Brat, maybe our day will come too.

      I wish that you may find your way and wish you sweet dreams along the hopefully
      short journey there 🙂

    3. Meloney
      May 11, 2017 at 10:02 am

      You are a beautiful soul, stranger. I hope your heart finds home again!

    4. Hyponymy
      May 18, 2017 at 8:28 am

      Is that you?


      • @ Hyponymy
        May 22, 2017 at 9:10 am


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