I follow this site a little too closely. Any one of these could be from you. You might hate me, you might love me, it might be both. Or neither. It’s cruel to myself really, but I can hardly cope without some form of communication from you. The thought of you hating me is easier to handle than having turned into nothing to you at all. I wish you would talk to me.
I constantly try to remind myself that you had to leave. There’s nothing I could do. I understand why, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less. I still blame myself. I didn’t do enough or I was too much. You may have tried to tell me otherwise, but all I can see are faults of mine. It has never stopped me thinking that you would eventually come back though. That what we had was real. The most beautiful thing I will ever know. You have never left my mind. You feel like home to me in a way that no one ever has.
I don’t know that I’m any kind of thought to you at all anymore. I don’t know what has gone on in the eternity that has passed. I don’t know how you feel. I do know that you were broken. I hope you’re finding your way through. I’ll always hope that for you. For myself too. I don’t know about you, but it’s really hard to imagine that for myself right now. Not like this. Not without you. I’m still shattered, and the world isn’t helping. I’ve just kept my head down, blindly pushing forward. I’ve never stopped wishing, hoping, pleading for you to come back.
Please come back to me. We have a lot of repairs to make, a lot of work to do, but I’ve never questioned our ability to get through this, to get through everything. You’re still the only one I want.
I love you so much
I miss you so much