• Stronger relationship?

    by  • April 10, 2017 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 1 Comment

    I came across something today that struck me. It was about how relationships with more quarrels tend to be stronger. It’s not the fighting that strengthens the relationship, it said. The article claimed that it was what happens afterward. The make up stage, where two people realize that their relationship is more important than their differences. Apparently that fact alone forces them into forgiveness and compassion. By this time I was sobbing uncontrollably and had to stop reading. It just made me realize that I haven’t made it to that stage in a long time, because we argue and then we have to get away from each other and eventually someone will call the other to say sorry. There is no making up or working it out, because every time, EVERY SINGLE TIME that I express what is bothering me or why I’m acting crazy, you get angry and fly off the handle. When we are trying to discuss an issue, you listen but you don’t seem to comprehend what I’m saying. So I begin to tune you out, because I feel unheard. We react to each other in frustration, instead of responding to each other’s concerns. Why? I don’t know. Maybe we’ve made it to a point where we don’t know how to communicate anymore? Maybe we’re so stressed and tired and agitated all the time that we have no energy left for treating each other right? Maybe we just need our own alone time to recharge? Maybe our time together has run its course? I have no idea how to fix this. We’ve tried and tried. And all I can be sure of is it isn’t good for the children. We either have to find our way out of this together or apart.

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    One Response to Stronger relationship?

    1. good luck
      April 10, 2017 at 2:09 pm

      I had a miserable marriage like this. Nothing could be worked out when one side ignored, shut down and had contempt for the other. One reacts with anger and defensiveness. I was in that marriage for over 20 years. At around the ten year mark I realised that he would never ever be able to communicate with me with respect or love and I just stopped trying. It didn’t stop the fights though. My biggest regret? Staying another ten years with the kids growing up in that and also the final day of our marriage where I finally snapped and gave it all back to him. There is no civility left for me to even bother with that man – he used all my reserves up with his anger, yelling, silent treatment that I put up with for WAY too long. If he reacts with anger then he ISN”T trying at all. He is staying the same and just SAYING he is trying. Read John Gottmans four horsemen of the apocalypse in which he talks about the communication styles that kill marriage. Contempt, defensiveness etc. Also read the Verbally Abusive Marriage – by Patricia ??. I bet you will see your marriage in those books. Read, read read and do not stay somewhere for years with someone who holds little respect for you as a woman, mother or wife. That will slowly destroy you. Good luck.



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