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    by  • April 10, 2017 • * Safe for Work *, Thoughts • 0 Comments

    It’s your fault too
    I cried for your help, hell, when I got with him, you knew what a dick he was, yet you still left me, you didn’t care what would happen to me, as long as you felt better about yourself.
    It was obvious that I was in an abusive relationship; I wasn’t allowed to talk to anyone, you had to follow me to make sure I didn’t, that day he had off. He was threatened by you, because we all knew I loved you more than him.
    You feel I betrayed you but he did worse – I made an innocent mistake, I didn’t know how you felt about me then. He knew. He knew and still went after me, not caring about you. Yet it’s me who apparently betrayed you
    To be honest, it was the loneliness of that relationship that brought back my suicidal tendencies, and J being a dick, with the things he did and said… I bet you didn’t know that, did you. I bet J never told you he tore me apart, he knew my biggest fear was being a unloved burden, and he made sure I knew no one could love me. Well, no that’s not fully true. He made sure that I knew you were the only person to ever love me, and he made sure I knew how I had fucked that up. I bet you were never told about the reasons I was late home all the time – how he wouldn’t let me leave until he had finished, despite when I said no. I cried, and I cried, but he didn’t care, as long as he could cum. He didn’t care how much I screamed to leave, or how many times I told him no. and then he told everyone at school that we slept together, just to piss you off, and you believed him. I bet you didn’t know that’s why I talked to C – because he was the only person I could talk to, who wouldn’t judge me, or hadn’t pushed me away because J was threatening them. You were told that I was a slut, that flirted with everyone and you looked at me like you were disgusted in me… guess what, I’m disgusted in you, after all, your best friend is an abusive, manipulative, psychopath, that sexually assaulted your best friend and first real love. You chose that as your best friend, and your best friends are meant to be mirror images of yourself, so what does it make you, if he’s your mirror image?
    When I got out the relationship, I was so happy, after all, i figured it could be a fresh start, build my life again, find new and old friends. You still didn’t want to be in my life, although maybe you did… “I don’t want to leave yet”… No, I lost all respect for you that day, the fact you went back to him, the fact you had to get his permission to talk to me from that day. That’s the day I stopped loving you, and I lost one more reason to live.
    I kept seeing you around, and you would keep trying to talk to me, but I still haven’t forgotten what you said to me, “You’re dead to me”, well guess what, I really am now.
    Sorry, I haven’t gotten to the point yet have I – I’m dead. I finally had enough and I killed myself. Because everything had just gotten to me. My parents, the damage from that relationship, J trying to ruin my life, everyone still thinking i’m a slut, the loneliness, you.
    Have a good life

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