• C

    by  • April 10, 2017 • * Safe for Work *, Confession • 0 Comments

    I don’t know why you get a letter; none of my friends have received one. Something inside of me wanted to write one to you – despite me knowing that you most likely really don’t care
    Putting it plainly, if you’ve received this, I’m dead. I know right, so straight to the point.
    I mostly wanted to tell you that I’m sorry for extra hassle that I caused you in high school – how pathetic, I’m still thinking of high school – because you didn’t deserve the extra shit just because I had started using you as a lifeline. I could actually talk to you, you understood, and you didn’t judge… At least, not that I knew of.
    Between high school to now, you have been a lifeline of mine, however, your girlfriend doesn’t like me talking to you, so I don’t want to talk to you, and use you as a lifeline, because I don’t want to put strain on your relationship. You deserve to be happy. It would be great to see you happy.
    I miss talking to you though.
    I’ve been feeling lonely, and empty, and numb for years, despite trying too hard to get through, and it’s gotten to the point where I’m only truly happy when we get into those random little conversations – 2am, talking about favourite music, Arctic Monkeys and Royal Blood, the weird thing in summer, where we were getting each other through the breakups… the weird thing where we almost went out. Almost. We really could have been something…. But who cares, because we weren’t. It didn’t happen. That night in March were you sat up talking to me, because I couldn’t sleep and I was crying, and isolated in Paris.
    You were a true friend, despite how little we spoke
    Do you know you’re the only person who has ever shut me up? I’ve always got a sarcastic retort, but that one time, I couldn’t say anything. Well done, you did what no one else could, when you said “Surely the stupid girl is the one who doesn’t know she’s being flirted with”. I saw you as a match that day, one who understood, and could challenge me, yet remain an equal
    And to be really honest with you, I love you (in a friend way, obviously, we told each other ages ago, that drunk christmas with the “dodgy” snapchats, that we were both wayyyyy in the friend zone)
    No, honestly, I don’t know how I love you, because I force myself to feel a certain way, not to love you as more than a friend because now you’re in a relationship, but if I allowed myself to feel properly, I really wouldn’t know what I’d feel towards you
    Just know I love you
    And I wanted to say goodbye

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