• I’m suicidal

    by  • March 31, 2017 • * Safe for Work *, Depression • 26 Comments

    I’m suicidal

    I can’t cope on my own.
    My biggest problem is loneliness, and being unable to reach out to people. This, on top of everything else… Well I’m very suicidal… I’m scared of blood so I don’t cut, but this means people don’t take me seriously. But I won’t cut until I know for sure I want to die, because I won’t stop. If I start, I will end it

    I make myself feel better by talking to people when they are down. By dragging people out of their own suicidal episodes… But I need people to help me with mine… Just a single person. Please.
    I joke about it, say “ahaha, anyone got any “I’m feeling suicidal” song recommendations?” but this is a cry for help
    I just need a person to message me, asking if I’m ok…
    I need help

    please

    26 Responses to I’m suicidal

    1. Jella
      March 31, 2017 at 4:45 pm

      Well, thank goodness you’re afraid of blood; that’s a plus. Are you okay, now?

    2. Sarah
      March 31, 2017 at 5:02 pm

      When you reach the bottom the only way is up. Life moves and changes in the blink of an eye. Not always in a bad way! Think about that. Concentrate on positives. Find that inner strength because in the end our lives are in our own hands and so is our happiness. Loneliness is hard, no two ways about it. So find something that brings you a reprieve from that. Mine was motorbikes. Riding. Meeting people and chatting shit with peeps of same mindset. You will have something too. Do you like dancing? Singing? running? Stamp collecting? Anything? Any hobby?…. Turning point for me was to stop wishing someone would care enough for me to realise how I felt and save me but to care enough about myself to do it and thus save myself. Always someone worse off…. True saying…. Concentrate on positives and be best person you can be and change your destiny because, even if you don’t think you do, you matter x

      • Sarah
        March 31, 2017 at 7:28 pm

        Me again. Are you ok?

    3. Jill
      March 31, 2017 at 5:29 pm

      Will you be okay?

    4. @author
      March 31, 2017 at 9:57 pm

      I am here for you if this is your writing this. I can’t force you to open a door you shut. If you truly want help I am here. To you it may seem like it’s gone to far and unfixable, but that isn’t the case at all. I am a female, the one who writes this reply. The problem I have is when I write something that your heart hopes it’s him that’s replying. I don’t believe in confusing communication. It really takes its tole on me physically. I know your in love with him and choose him above all. That doesn’t mean I’m not here for you. I will always be here with open arms willing to try and help you climb the slippery slopes of depression and anxiety. Why? Because I’ve been there. To be honest I still climb slippery slopes myself. If anything we could be climbing out together. On the outside I may look put together and ok, but on the inside I climb slopes everyday. I miss you very much and I know that even if you don’t believe it, their is me who loves you more than you will ever accept. It just takes one reply to one of my texts and the climbing together begins. I can’t find someone who doesn’t want to be found. It takes more than an anonymous reach to break the ice. For all I know this letter isn’t from you at all, but my love for you replies just in case it’s you. If you truly wanted help you would become visible. This site is that but of a Mardi Gras mask. Bright in color and flashy with glitter. When does the mask come off? I’m not asking for more than a friendship. I do love you and care so much. It truly is unconditional. I just wish you believed me when I say it. I take comfort that it’s so unconditional that even if you deny it, it stays. I can’t promise you help, but I can offer someone to climb slopes with.

      Love, B

    5. Sukhmani
      March 31, 2017 at 10:06 pm

      Hi, how are you? All good? If not, I’m here to listen to you. If you feel comfortable talking to other people and dragging them out of their problems, then find someone whom you can rely on, and share your thoughts, feeling with them. And if you don’t ( I’m sure you wont), I’m here.
      Please take care of yourself. Lots of love and hugs.

    6. someone who understands
      March 31, 2017 at 10:50 pm

      I’ve been there; please hold on. Life sucks a lot of the time, but in between the bad stretches are some wonderful things that are worth living for, even if you don’t yet know when or what they will be. I don’t know who you are, but I care about you, and I am praying for you.

    7. Can I help?
      March 31, 2017 at 11:12 pm

      How may I enhance and shape your experience in a way that you would find positive and meaningful?

    8. @author
      April 1, 2017 at 12:45 am

      I am all to familiar with the paradox of helping others yet being unable to help oneself. Here is the thing tho…it has gotten better as I became more egoistical. Caring for others should always be a great part of life but never forget your own needs and self worth! Just by your words I can tell whatva remarkable and beautiful person you are!
      Be strong and know…you are not alone, never alone.
      I am thinking of you sending you positivity and faith that you matter and things will get better.

      Cyberhugs from one stranger to another

    9. Mj
      April 1, 2017 at 2:10 am

      You came here for support and you will get it. Your life is not a burden unless you, yourself make it one. I can promise you that. We have all felt like ending it but here’s the thing about life.; You always have the power to regivinate yourself and start over, no matter the circumstance. Believe in yourself.

      Professional help is waiting for you. Do not be afraid of it. Embrace the opportunity . I beg you.

      Don’t give up . You are loved. I can assure you of that.

      You have a gift, many I suspect. You have one shot on this earth. Make it count.

      Please don’t do it . You may think there are a few reasons why you want to let go of it all but I’m certain there is an entire universe that wants you here.

      You matter.

      Dark Angel

    10. Someone Who Cares
      April 1, 2017 at 2:39 am

      Are you ok? Please don’t consider suicide, (as cliche as it sounds) (but it’s the total truth) that suicide is never the answer. Please feel free to talk to me, to us, maybe tell us what’s going in, perhaps, talking about it will help.

      Sincerely,
      Someone who REALLY DOES care! ????

    11. IT'S YOUR LIFE
      April 1, 2017 at 4:29 am

      Tomorrow people may miss you, they may shed a tear in your memory, someones heart may even be broken but the sun will rise & fall, the wind will blow & our world will go on regardless. Only your universe will cease to exist. Tho you may not want the life you have, I don’t want you to give up on the life you want.
      Are you ok?

    12. Still here
      April 1, 2017 at 4:30 am

      You can be lonely in the middle of a crowd when you choose to be. I was there, not able to connect when I was surrounded by people I thought would hurt or discard me. I proclaimed myself a loser who had nothing to offer and built my own wall. I then made the worst decision I could masks at the time, I tried to turn the clock back and reconnect with a woman from my past.
      For whatever reason I thought I was happy during that time and I could recreate that feeling. The problem was, check that, the many many problems with that were; I was married with kids, I had not spoke with this person for decades and had no idea who she was, I’m not so sure I really happy then either.
      Long story short, I took a miserable situation and made it a lot worse. I blew up what little connection I had to connections I had. It also forced me to look at the last person I thought was responsible, me. I found a ton of reasons I was so unhappy and most if not all were because I chose the wrong path to take at each problem I encountered, the easier one at the time. I ran away from them and hid in the bushes throwing rocks at everyone I blamed for my depression. When it all came down I had to review me and my choices, while I was living in my car, and I discovered a long trail of not addressing problems when they began and allowing the stones of my fear to build up on my back until they were crushing me. One small step at a time I started to peel each lie I had created away and it all started with demanding 100% honesty from me. I could not fix a lie with a better lie. It was not an easy thing to do and i did have to get help but I started a new path. 6 years later I am not perfect but I am better, less unsure, far less lonely, and back home. I found it very powerful that just being honest, as your first impulse, draws people to you. People do want to help and if you can open up, just a bit at first, they will try. I can see by your letter you have a good heart and I can really hear me in your words. Small steps my friend, you already took the first one here. No problem is unsolvable! If I could make headway I know you can. If not by family or friends do it here.

    13. Bella
      April 1, 2017 at 5:10 am

      Are you ok?

    14. ?
      April 1, 2017 at 7:09 am

      Please don’t end your life.
      If you need someone to talk to, just to tell everything to weird and wonderful I’ll listen :).
      Could you leave something so I can contact you personally.

    15. Krysten
      April 1, 2017 at 8:53 am

      Please don’t leave. Talk to me. You may not know me, but I need to know if you are alright. Ive lost so many people, I don’t want to lose another beautiful soul.

    16. Alia
      April 1, 2017 at 2:33 pm

      You’re not alone, we’re all here with you please help us reach you please help us help you.

    17. April 1, 2017 at 8:45 pm

      Depression lies. It will try to convince you that you shouldn’t exist and that nothing matters. But it is a liar. The truth is you are important. You are loved. You are needed. You are noticed. You have a purpose for being here. You have a place in this world, and if you haven’t found it yet, it’s still there, waiting for you. You can make it through. You are strong. You are capable. The darkness will pass, and the light will shine through. You can do it.

    18. Please be okay
      April 2, 2017 at 9:40 am

      You can cope. You can do anything you want to do. You can. You are asking for help which shows theres a part of you that wants to LIVE. I understand you want a life line. Please reach out to a professional or suicide help line instead of here. Ive done it myself. It’s hard, and frustrating, and I know you just the pain to end. But you have to live to get to the best parts that haven’t happened yet. You can do this. I believe in you.

    19. Hold on
      April 2, 2017 at 3:20 pm

      I hope you’re okay.

      I don’t know if this will help you but it is worth trying so I will write it out for you. Many years ago I was in a bad place and briefly contemplated suicide. Soon after I lost someone to suicide.

      I promised myself then that I would never again entertain the thought. Whenever I got that far down I say ‘I am not a person who wants to die. I want to live. I’m going to live!’

      This is partly because I know how suicide impacts the people around you and partially because I immediately knew that it wasn’t the answer.

      The thing is, for the first year or so that I repeated that mantra, I want sure I belived it. Eventually I did. That is who I am now. Someone who would never take their own life.

      If I think back to all the times I might have done it had I not forced myself to never consider it an option – its scary. There have been really tough times in my life. Yet, if I had I would have missed so much.

      I don’t know if you can do the same thing I did. I do know that you need a support system while you work that out. I had one – not of friends and family – but of doctors, therapists and teachers. For awhile I had literally no one.

      Do what ever you have to do to find that support system. Call hotlines, scour help groups, go to group therapy – anything and everything until you find it.

      You’re fighting for your life and you need help right now. You deserve to be supported. You can do this.

      It gets better. Sometimes it gets worse too…but it gets better.

    20. Mattie
      April 2, 2017 at 9:03 pm

      You are not alone. Your are significant and beautiful no matter the circumstance. You are not defeated and this is all temporary because you are perfectly imperfect but necessary in this world. One day I will need you to save me from myself so today I’m going to save you. I don’t know you but I know that I love you. Stay alive my friend. Your are significant.

    21. Author
      April 3, 2017 at 8:55 am

      Thank you everyone on here who’s left beautiful comments, and well wishes
      You’re all lovely

      Hugs and kisses
      xx

    22. Author
      April 4, 2017 at 1:22 pm

      I want to also say, I wrote another letter on here, if anyone wants to comment

      http://lettersillneversend.com/2017/03/31/jordon/

    23. Author
      April 9, 2017 at 6:26 am

      I’ve decided I’m going to write some letters, just in case…
      Real letters so people know why I’ve done what I’ve done… If I do it of course

      • Netflix and chill
        April 11, 2017 at 2:47 pm

        Um like 13 letters…how original..oops I mean how cool!!

        • Author
          April 13, 2017 at 12:15 am

          Yep, I understand the dig about 13 Reasons Why, however people have been committing suicide long before that show, or book, was a thing, and they always leave a letter or two.
          And I refuse to watch that “hipster white girl” version of An Inspector Calls.
          But sure, mock away.

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