You were my great love and my greatest downfall.
To my greatest love,
I screwed up. I loved you so much that I turned my back and vanished myself. I busted down and I ruined because of what you’ve caused me yet never in my life I feel sorry on those absurdity. I loved you so damn much that I was eager to grasped a blistering bullet just for your own good.
Looking back on the past years of my life, I’ve struggled about the notion of self-love. Yes, possibly it is somewhat a cliché nor a trend but it was really a hard-hitting rival that I’ve had ever battled with. I was shaded by the thought of loving you although that time you were blinded by the thought of loving her. It’s a gigantic flashback to reminisce the memories happened when I fell in love with the man who couldn’t afford a single gaze at me. I saw and heard everything, every ruthless words you told me were a dagger stabbing my heart until I got numb, and you know what wounded me the most? I saw the curve onto your lips, the shine in your eyes and the enchanting laughter you made when you were around her that I was dying to compose when I’m with you, big time.
At least I experienced the unrequited love that people named catastrophic. However, for me it isn’t all about the hurting or other unpleasant things— well in fact it is ideal to love someone without any replacement, it is a beautiful tragedy you always wanted to write all over again. Believe me, I tried to heal myself and I was not just trying, I was trying very hard to end the agony. Seriously, If it was not for you, I can’t stand unaccompanied with the burden of healing my own. You will always be my greatest love, but right at this moment and the days that will come, I am awaken and free from you. It’s given that nobody can trade you in my life but somehow someone will surely surpass you and will make me feel worth the love more than the love I’ve invested in you.
Thank you for the jumbled emotions cause I enjoyed living with those feels you made me undergo. You were a great lesson I learned and a great part of the first chapter of my book. You’ve helped me in more ways than you’ll ever know— you taught me what it’s like to love selflessly and you helped me to see what I deserve. My greatest love, If we happened to meet the same paths someday, I’ll still be the high school girl who always got your back no matter what. I pray you the best.
The HS Girl,