it stings. it’s like bile in the back of my throat. she doesn’t love me. it makes the dark parts of my heart grow and scream. she doesn’t want me. I want to scream. the fact that she’ll never feel her breath be knocked away by me or feel as though her day has gotten better at the sight of me.
it makes me bitter. it makes me angry. I want to scream and yell and shout until my throat aches and begs for me to stop. I want to swing and bang and hit until my hands turn red and are puffy. and I want to cry and sob and cry and sob and cry and sob until it feels as though I no longer have any fluids left to escape my eyeballs.
but she. but her. god, her. she is like a goddess walking among us. her angelic presence makes me forget any negative emotions. it draws the breath from my very lungs. it’s makes me smile. it makes me happy and that is something I am not.
I am not a happy person and yet, when she is near happiness is all I feel.
she is the one they warned us about. the girl that’ll take your breath away and keep it. the girl that will make a path to your heart only to completely destroy it. she is a storm.
first the sprinkles of rain that’ll you dance in and love. then the hard rain that you watch adoringly from the window and then the loud thunder that you wish to go away from. only to viciously repeat over and over.
she is the storm girl. and yet, I still hold her dear to my heart.