Here it all goes. Here is my vent of a thousand pages- condensed. Oh, but my mother-fucking God, if only I had the time, I would write a novella.
When I met you, I felt like you were the answer to my prayers. You were exactly what I needed. I spent all weekend long cuddling in your arms. You made me breakfast, and your dog was so damn cute I could hardly stand it.
All was good for the first few months, until I discovered I was pregnant. I had long been declared infertile, so it came as a shock. You were the picture of supportive- you even told me that you wanted to marry me and have babies with me in the future. I made my own decision, but I would be lying if I said that I did not make it with you in mind- I aborted our baby.
You did not grieve or look sad- you looked like you won the lottery. I felt sad as I passed the baby and felt a real sense of mourning- of grief… And you… Felt nothing.
Instead you went on to cuddle that little dog of yours-piece of shit that she now is (not her fault- but yours- and no, I would never hurt the dog)- as if she were a human. Your girlfriend, your child, all in one… And I want to fucking puke. I want to take the blood of my child, OUR child and smear it all across your fucking body and proclaim that you had a child and that you lost your chance.
I want to leave your ass. I want to pick up my stuff and disappear from your life. Except that I don’t know where to go and that I love you. Or do? Do I really fucking love you? Or have I gotten stuck in a situation with you? I dnk. Nor do I care.
I feel like I do not matter to you, that that little fucking software matters more.
And if you say ONE MORE THING about my needing to work out more, I will KILL YOU!!! I have been pregnant and going through a rough time, you asshole. So fuck off!
I think there is something wrong with you. Aspie, or something. You feel nothing. Or you feel too much.
I fucking hate you for trapping me into a life that I cannot stand.
I hate you for lying to me, for promising me that I was your everything, only to get your way. You were cold and cruel. And I want nothing to do with you any more