I am beyond disappointed in you. You know how sometimes you get the nagging feeling inside that something doesn’t quite add up, and you’re subconsciously always waiting for the other shoe to drop?
Today I saw that you have posted an instagram photo of you both, looking really happy and ‘having a good time’ last night. With the one who you said was your cousin, the same one you went on holiday with, the very one I naively believed was, like you said, your cousin. Although many of your instagram photos featured her, I stood by the belief that you had no reason to lie to me. Right..?
I mean, why would you? Back then in those early days you didn’t know the feelings I had for you. Hell, I don’t even know if you know that I feel so much for you presently. When I saw her shoes in your house, my heart beat rapidly like a drum and proceeded to sink like a boat laden with a hundred rocks. But very quickly, you restored the colour to my world when you told me casually that those were your ‘cousin’s’ shoes. And foolishly, I believed you, and all was right with my world again.
But now I know better. ‘Cousins’ or not, she is clearly the individual who has your heart. Gullible I might have been but I’m not a fool. I rely on my intuitions.
Perhaps this is for the best going forward – you and I were never gonna work, were we? I have tried to be engaging, be open and humorous, even taking the lead sometimes, but you always put up a barrier. And I cannot continue to exist like this, pining and waiting for you. I have to move on and accept that it is simply not meant to be, much as it breaks my heart. The worst part is, I have my own obligations and therefore have no right to expect anything from you. I am just a staff to you after all, aren’t I…? Sadly, I felt you were the One. You were ideal and you were perfect in my eyes. And thus my feelings for you grew and grew. But today, my bubble has burst. There is no future for us; my daydreams of us having something between us must cease.
I have loved you for quite a while, but I guess now it’s time for me to give up.