I’m happy in my marriage. My husband is wonderful and supportive and I truly love him. That being said, I’ve always loved you. You were my first love and I thought we’d at least go on another date. Every meeting has been sneaky and deceptive and had negative undertones. I was dating someone, I was married, you were married, something was always keeping up apart. Our relationship still feels new even after 10 years. I try to imagine what it would be like if we didn’t have to hold ourselves back or avoid eye contact to prevent the possibility that we kiss. I want to meet you and love you but it’s so wrong and so deceitful and my guilt would never ever let me. I wish I were two people. One that could love you and one that could do the right thing. Because loving you has never felt right but it’s always been there. I’m a walking contradiction. On one hand I wanna show up at your house notebook style and live happily ever after. On the other, I wanna quit you like a drug. Living like this is both tortuous and appealing. You’ve always been my one.