• Tater…

    by  • March 19, 2017 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 0 Comments

    I don’t know what it is about you. From the second I met you I felt more comfortable than I am with anyone, including family. I don’t stiffen up with you touch me. I don’t flinch when you raise your hand to my face. I don’t hold my breath, waiting for the pain. There is no pain. When I see you, no matter my mood, I find myself smiling. Uncontrollably. I have dug so deep into my memory banks that I have told you things I’ve never even told my best friend. There are still things you don’t know yet, and I’m not sure you ever will. I want to tell you everything, but there is one problem. We are only friends. And you are promised to someone else. I am alright with just being friends. You’re a great guy, and a great friend. There are just some things I cant share with you, because they are meant for someone else. They are meant for the person I will spend forever with. I saw the look in your eyes when you talked about her the day we met. They were so full of love, and wonder. Over the past few weeks, I’ve noticed a change. You don’t look as happy when you talk about her. You don’t look as full of love and wonder. You look lost. Lonely. It gets worse every time I see you. Funny part is, that’s only 2 days a week at school. Its like…you put on a mask and hope people don’t see it. I see it. I hate that you are so sad. I know you wont tell me the truth, but I see it in your eyes. They cant lie. As much as you wish they could. See…I’ve been there. In the position you’re in. So in love with someone, and then you make a change in your life and things start falling apart. You don’t know what to do anymore, but you try to bottle it all up so that nobody finds out that you’re falling apart inside. You deny it when people ask about it. You hope that if you don’t talk about it, it’ll just go away. This is…it wont go away. The day we both failed the exam, I saw the look in your eyes when you saw me crying. You were so hurt. You did everything you could to make me smile. To make me laugh, and get my mind off of things. We sat there in the freezing cold on your tailgate for hours talking about everything. As the weeks go by, we sit there longer and longer. Talking about anything we can think of, and sometimes we just sit in silence. Its relaxing. Its nice to have someone I can trust, and talk to. I don’t have to worry about anything when I am with you. I have only had one other person in my life that I shared all my secrets with…and he is gone now. Killed himself over a female. I told you about him that night in the truck. I cried. You are the first person that I have talked to about him. Part of me hopes that you fix whatever is going on with you and her…but part of me hopes it cant be fixed. That part of me…I hate it. I feel like a horrible person. Actually wanting your relationship to end so I can be there to catch you. The walls I built around my heart years ago are crumbling. I don’t know how to stop it. I’ve tried so many times. I’m sorry tater.

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