I’ve been thinking of you, C
I honestly like you so much… When you sat talking to me that night, I wanted to say that I love you…. I settled for saying you’ve become my favourite person
I know I shouldn’t feel this way… You’re in a relationship for god’s sake. But everyone can see that she doesn’t make you happy. Even you said yourself that it’s not good anymore. It wasn’t last time either… The fact that the other night was the first time you had laughed in forever is really bad… Especially considering that phone call was me calling you due to crying and wanting to die…
I feel bad, I keep waiting for you to break up again. I know from last time that you love her, and don’t go for your usual rebound… But I keep hoping…
My friend who knows about how I feel keeps telling me to tell you… Or make a move… Or something. But I can’t. Not whilst you’re with her. I don’t want to lose you as a friend. I don’t want to make things weird. I know that you will never feel the same. I’ve missed my chance with you. HE ruined it for me…
I’m glad we spoke about that though. Even you admitted we could have been good together.
God, I honestly want you so much.
You make me happy whist no one else can.
When I was with HIM, last year, when I felt suicidal, it was you who I messaged… I can see why he hated you, why he felt threatened. I didn’t like you in this way then. I was loyal to HIM, but I can understand where he came from.
Just as I understand where SHE comes from, when she asks you to not talk to me. She knows about our history. She knows last time, you came to me for advice on big things and little things, instead of her. She knows you hide things, like your terrible past, due to fear of being judged. And she’s scared that puts a barrier between you two, and pushes us closer together. That’s why I don’t message you at all anymore. Because I don’t want to be the reason you two have problems.
I don’t want to break you up
But I do want to be with you if you do break up
Why are feelings so difficult.