I don’t know how to get this out.
I feel like I’ve stumbled and said it all already.
To other people.
I guess I’m having a hard time letting go.
You never wanted me to cut you out.
But you also enjoyed dangling a future with you over me like a carrot.
That hurt. Always. A lot.
I couldn’t sit around and wait any longer for you to grow up and change.
I’m sorry I let you hurt me.
I’m sorry I let myself fall in love so deeply with someone that I ignored the red flags.
I do believe it’s better to have loved and lost, but I’m not sure if I had known what I know now, I would have made that same choice.
I don’t get how you made that choice either.
And I’m angry that you let this begin, too.
I’m angry you made this into something.
I’m angry you wouldn’t stop when I asked you to.
I should have listened to my gut and stopped it then. I was foolish.
I’m angry you kept me wishing and hoping and dreaming.
I’m angry you made false promises and statements.
And I’m angry that when I made the final call, you thought we could just go back to the beginning and be friends.
Like nothing happened.
Like I was to just sit there on the outskirts of your life for the end of time, while you continue to whittle away and change nothing.
A secret. A ghost.
Do you ever think about how you impact people?
How can you call that love?
How can you hurt me and call that love?
How can I call what just happened love?
How do I let all of this go?
“Do not pity the dead, Harry. Pity the living, and, above all those who live without love.” – JK Rowling