• I excused you.. why..

    by  • March 3, 2017 • * Safe for Work *, Acceptance • 0 Comments

    we broke up. you kicked me out. I went with a friend and shit didn’t work out. you told me to go home. and I didn’t want to go crawling on my knees hoping to get help from my fake family. So I went with my roommate who I cheated on you with.
    3 months later the same girl I moved out with and shortly left told you about the cheating and you flipped out.
    she took me to cheat. we discussed it and let it go unheard.It was on queue and planned we both knew.
    I fully understand and I repeat understand I messed up. I’m the one who cheated with strangers and our roommate.
    But before I explain the reasons I excused your behaviors I still feel it was wrong..
    I came over even after you heard, and one day you had to confront it.. what had happened was I was barricaded with you and I asked you to move way and you didn’t I clawed and your arms and you bled. but you hit me in the face and knocked my glasses off my face and punched me in the back with no regret.. I left. I said I wouldn’t come back and I did. the next day. I excused it.
    I cheated I felt I deserved it.
    When I told you the reason I did it was because bills needed paid. you were to sick to work. with anxiety and voices.. and pain and drugs and pills and drinking and I was just there..
    you didn’t have sex with me you sometimes didn’t even talk to me. when I thought you loved me I found out you would come before I got up from work from being out all night doing meth. it hurt.
    I went and cheated on you with strangers ! to pay what you couldn’t help with. I stayed around and loved the roommate who saw you find little to no interest in me. I STILL FEEL BAD FOR EVERYTHING. You told me to kill myself and I excused it. I felt I deserved that to. You got a gf and was peachy broke up and you ran back to te name calling and wanting answers. I’m sorry I excused it all. I should have seen it and left because I dis owned myself and I disconnected. but I wasn’t the only one. I let you see me and you saw nothing but excuses.

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