Everything. A whirlwind. A hurricane. So many layers. Depths and depths, of truths and pains. Storms in a being. I don’t remember how I got here anyway. It was when everything overtook me, and it all became so overwhelmingly deep.
I crave comfort. Yet I crave chaos. My emotions, at any given moment, change too quickly, go to fast and too intensely, for me to ever become truly content. It all goes by me too fast to fully become set.
One thing becomes another becomes another becomes something else. It can be an amazing thing. It can be a painful thing. And they happen and they keep happening and sometimes you can’t decide what you wish for more. Anything that evokes emotion.
The rain pours these days. The wind blows so hard I am sure I can feel it cleanse me. Blowing right through all of the pain. Cooling the inferno in me.
And I am spun around once again. A pirouette. A simple step. Yet again and again, swung around as though I am lifeless and the world can do with me whatever they wish.
And sometimes it’s beautiful. Other times it hurts.
But you realize. Pain and beauty can go beautifully together.
Although everything goes too fast to feel true freedom, freedom isn’t always the standard definition. Freedom can be the wind through your hair as you sit in the passenger seat and open the car window. Freedom can be playing your favorite song as loud as possible. Freedom can be a good night’s rest. Freedom can be simply the arms of someone you love.
I want to take the ashes, and put them on me. As a symbol of everything that was, being burnt to nothing but ash, and everything else being what is. Not the pain of what was.
Nothing is perfect. But it is indeed beautiful.