• Goals for the future but you are in my past

    by  • February 25, 2017 • * Safe for Work *, Hope • 1 Comment

    I am in a beautiful city I consider “mine”. I have a job at the tallest building with a beautiful view. The parades below me remind of the culture which surrounds me. I am working hard. I stay late. I make sure people know I can assist. I do not attempt over time and I really love where I work and what I am doing. I am going to school also. I am finding stride. I may not be as competitive as I thought, but I am working hard to improve. Late nights and early mornings. Less drinking, if none at all. There is not much time for hobbies but I have a goal.
    By 2020 I want to be practicing and not assisting. That is the goal. Today it even hit me what office with what window I want. There is an underlying fear that 3 years a lot can happen, life can throw you curve balls. I set out with a goal before this one and it was unable to be met alone. Its taken 2 years to recover from that failure, but this goal is all my own. No one to throw the blame towards. I hope and pray for success in this endeavor. Setting small goals as little victories and never forgetting the end goal down the line.

    All of this accomplishment within my grasp and you are not here to see it. It puts me at an all time low knowing you are not here to share it with me. Alas, there is no more time for these moments of sadness and thoughts of what could have been. Our separation was not my choice. The only choice I made was to quit fighting the inevitable.

    Are you happy? I hope you are happy. I am not happy yet, but at least now I have a goal again. That is something. It will keep me from dwelling on the “what could have been.”

    I love you.

    J

    One Response to Goals for the future but you are in my past

    1. K
      February 26, 2017 at 10:32 am

      If you are my person, your in the windy city, you are definitely in a tall historical building surrounded by culture. My heart is glad you are happy and forever sad to never have you as mine. My heart will eternally hold on, my body and mind move on. It’s like moving blindly within a heavy fog grasping onto things for safety but just moving on and not finding my destination. Despite that of course there are happy times and sad times that are times and opportunities for growth. I also went through a time of triumph and wishing I could share it with you but eventually that too came to an end. The realization of which all eventually comes to an end and your reality is what you make of it. I will my own reality, and I will not dwell on the what could of been, and just miss the arrested and immature development of a beautiful relationship. How I miss you, the warmth of your embrace, your sage adevice, your booming laughter, and happy presence. I could use a poem or two an old family story or just a gaze at the stars. I miss you my friend and I hope you create that beautiful world. Much ado about nothing!

      Love Always,
      K

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