To give yourself over to another body, that’s all you want really, to be out of your own and consumed by another, to swim inside the skin of your lover.
It’s a price. A high tide. One you pay highly for, and can’t predict what time it will arrive. It could be whenever. They tell you, no one is watching the shore at this time. You go, you are fully and completely doing so at your own risk. Whatever happens to you, is up to you.
But not really. It’s up to the ocean. The elements, they can take you wherever they please. You go knowing full well. Yet being inevitably pulled to it. That if you are pulled in and pulled under, no one can save you. No matter how dangerous it feels, it’s exhilarating, and long after it goes you long to return. Even if after every time it was a near death experience, and you’ve been so long gone, you crave it again and again.
Take me back. You whisper to the wind.
Love yourself. Forgive yourself. The water tells you.
I run from the words, I run from the truth. I am surrounded by people and things and demons, things I fear. They hold me down in my sleep, visit me in dreams. The things I run from in reality, the things I try and bury, they return to me. They speak to me.
My head in my hands, the words ring in my head.
The art in it. It comforts you yet leaves you so unhinged. Begging for the known. Yet knowing you never knew it anyway. Sometimes what you believe you knew so well, you never knew at all.
It was a betrayal. A pain. All of your secrets laid upon the table, your soul turned inside out. When you were broken, you retracted, desperately trying to take it all back. But it couldn’t be. It was out there forever. So the only way out was to change, to change everything.
You can’t change the color of the ocean, you never want to, for it’s beauty far surpasses anything else. I invited it’s essence in, had it clear me of everything known. With everything in it it changed everything in me.
People are fallible beings. They make mistakes. They must be forgiven for these mistakes and allowed to continue on the path for a better life.
I have made mistakes. People around me make mistakes. It’s a part of this existence that can’t be forgotten or avoided. But sometimes. You forgive and have to let go.
But they will haunt you forever.
The stars and moon themselves are a symbol. They hold a nostalgia, for we are all under the same sky. You want to take the moon itself and place it on the record player, for it could play you everything it witnessed. Everything it felt. For my emotions are so strong, so intense, they leave me and bounce off of the galaxy.
I couldn’t ask anything else. For everything happened alone. Under the sky.
Or it used to be that way. Strong emotions are now a rarity, and anything that causes them I must return to. To feel, is a gift, to feel, is something I constantly miss and crave. It’s a comfort. To be where I can feel.
The very essence. It’s like coming home. A homecoming.
The stars follow. Because they know they will need to remember, to feed off of the strength. It’s not a guarantee that it’s where you’re meant to be, just a promise that it will be of power.
They could take it away. But what they allow, is a gift. Other times, I am protected. The pain lifted and nothing is allowed to pass.
Is that a gift that was given to me? After it all ended, being given a shield. But I can’t tell if it is a gift or a curse. To feel so detached. To feel so dissociated. Being so grateful for the moments that I can feel my own heartbeat.
Everything’s approaching. And fast. What to do on these days? Reflect. Allow your soul to reflect the moonlight, and thank the stars for exorcising it from you. So many things. So many causes.
So many speculations of what made the stars, what put them there. It is when an emotion is so strong, it bursts from your being and into the galaxies. It burns and creates a beautiful infinite piece. The universe’s way of thanking you, thanking you for bringing power. For showing the earth’s essence love. For proving that the ocean can swim inside of you too.
Saltwater heals, not because it cares, but because it’s what it’s meant to do.
You love. Not because you mean to, but because it’s what you were meant to do.