• rambling on and on

    by  • February 21, 2017 • * Safe for Work *, Heartbreak • 1 Comment

    It’s been quite a few years since I’ve heard from you. Were you waiting on me to make the move? Silly me, I doubt that. Our relationship, what we had, was a ticking time bomb. Looking back at everything, I still go through all of the emotions. I still remember everything to this day. When I first met you. When we first said goodbye. How I thought it was absolutely insane to go and meet you before you left. That night/morning, I knew I was in love with you. I look back and I smile because you were my first real love. Then I get sad because the time apart was really challenging…even being in the same state yet still a couple hours away still felt like a challenge. But then I get angry for what you did. What we did. How did we let it get that bad. I committed myself to you 100%. The promises and everything. I meant every single word. What you did still haunts me to this day. Yes I am stronger and I have some what healed. I had to move to on because you moved on. I met a really great guy because of that. However, I will never forget what you put me through. You didn’t see me at my lowest of lows. You didn’t see me have zero self worth and sleep with 14 other guys to “get over you.” You didn’t care what damage you did when you would contact me just to tease me and mess with my head. It’s not fair what you put me through. I genuinely loved you and you messed with my head so much. Which I guess that’s why if we did ever meet again, it would be challenging for us. But then I think out of all of my relationships, I have moved on and couldn’t care less about them…until I think of us. You will still have a spot in my heart after the heartbreak, the lying, the cheating, and the embarrassment. You will always be there. Our memories will still be alive. I don’t shut them out and pretend we never existed. We did. I like to hope you were genuine and meant all the things you said when we were together. I get it, we were young, we had different paths, so us being together, it was only a matter of time. But you want to know something dumb. I still look for you in crowds. I look for you everywhere I go. I keep thinking if this was a movie that’s what would have happened. That’s what should have happened. We should have met. I waited for you. I think of all the things I would want to say and think of things that I won’t have the courage to say. But now, it’s going to be too late. Which is fine I guess. I feel silly for even feeling and thinking this way. But for me, I felt that we had so much chemistry, so much physical energy. I don’t even know how to put in words. I don’t feel that when I’m with him. I haven’t felt that with anyone, only with you. Which concerns me. What do I do, I think I’m happy. But then that “I think” should be “I know” and it’s not. I just can’t stop wondering how if everything happens for a reason…why did we happen.


    One Response to rambling on and on

    1. grace
      February 21, 2017 at 1:06 pm

      Very much relatable . Actually in my case he kept coming back n I let him n still feel weak around him. In my case we came together when either of us were in emotional mess n break up is like caution for an upcoming tsunami for me and he just gets seriously focussed in his life after break up. He definitely is my mirror soul just that we are meant to be with others n learn to love unconditionally I guess.

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