Whether you admit it or not, things happened, and you made that choice.
But you can’t keep beating yourself up over something that has already happened, and that you can’t change. The most you can do is to just move forward with a new sense of morals and really stick to them.
You know alcohol has been pretty much nothing but troubling or problematic for you in the last 7 years – why are you a glutton for punishment in social situations? Dear god, woman, figure your shit out! It has had disastrous effects on you, your relationship, and your family. Not so much in the last 2 years, but you need to figure out a way to get a handle on it, or not do it at all. Have some self respect, but more importantly some self control!
Shit happens. People do incredibly crazy and some even terrible things. What you did, while not the best thing in the world, was not something to be chastising yourself for.
For christ sake, J hit a kid with his car. He’s admitted to to drunk driving blacked out as an almost 40 year old.
Be what it may, the writing is on the wall if you can’t figure this out. Don’t obsess. Anonymity is on your side to a certain extent. A isn’t the kind to judge, and certainly neither is her friend (sucking some random guy’s dick in a bathroom, not even knowing his name? Uhmmm. Yeah.)
People talk, and they always will. But not incessantly. People talk shit about each other, even best friends. I’ve seen it. I’ve heard it. But, distance is good. Take tomorrow to reset yourself, and not just spend the day in bed.
You’re not a bad person. You make bad decisions, but ultimately, those do not wholly define you. You work hard, are caring, put people first and are invested in friendships.
Relationships are always hard, and you don’t know what is going on behind closed doors. Just don’t tell people more than they need to know. Don’t spill your guts, because only a few people genuinely care ; the rest are just nosy.
Don’t do this anymore. For your self, your job, your future. Don’t go back down that slippery slope that ends in nothing but misery and self loathing. You are worth so much more than that.