I am trying real hard to forget you, to forget everything you made me feel, everything you made me hope for, to forget how when I offered you my love you did nothing but run the other way, each and every time I tried to get close. I trusted you darling, I trusted you when I was most vulnerable, in the hopes that you’d take care of my heart and that I wasn’t wrong for trusting you with it.
Instead I got nothing but rejection over and over again when all I needed was reassurance from you to put my mind and my feelings at ease.
Do you understand how hard it is for me to trust you again? Do you understand why I’m scared to approach the person that hurt me the most when I opened my heart to them? Do you comprehend why I was so upset when I was informed of how ill you talked of me? You have no idea the damage you’ve caused, do you?
BTW the person giving you information about me (If it is who I think it is).. she’s quite.. resentful towards me as we didn’t leave in good terms, but I’m sure you noticed that. So the information she has will be tainted with bitterness and cropped with half truths that reflect mostly her conglomerated feelings about our departure rather than the accuracy of really happened.
Not that I’m saying that the only person who could give you the closure you need is me, since it was only you and I who made this big mess instead of third parties who couldn’t really relate to what was happening. Needless to say bridges have been burnt from both our ends as the aftermath of failed attempts to friendship and possibly something more profound that we both sabotaged in the early stages of its beginning.
Is it all lost? TBH I don’t know.
I really wanted it to be You. As hard as it is for me to admit it to myself I still think about you regardless of me being happy or not, about what went wrong, what I did wrong, about how fucked up it all ended. And since I’m SURE you will not reach out to me in any other way than what you’ve already established aka a more direct way: Yes, I’ve met someone who has a resemblance to you physically and beyond it too, and Yes I’m interested as much as she is. The parallels with you though are too similar to the point that sometimes I question if its all a cosmic joke or a second chance for redemption.
I know I cant go back in time no matter how many times I picture different scenarios between us where we Do get it right. No matter how many people I meet, searching for you in them. I know there’s only 1 You. And no matter how much they look like you, and how much I try to convince myself that I’ve got all the closure I needed from whatever was left of our painful unrequited relationship, truth is I wont be able to let You go until we take care of this mess. No matter how much time goes by, how many faces we meet, how many letters we write incognito to each other in the name of hopeless love..You Are The Only One who will be able to quench this thirst, this aching, for better or worse.
If you ever decide you want to go beyond our current situation, or start building some bridges..one step at a time.. text me but only as You, the real You, the one I fell for, the one I met in person. If you come to me with Honesty I will reply to you with honesty.
In the meantime..I will be around, whether you get confirmation of it or not