God the Father, to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit I confess this sin of utmost magnitude : Lust
It consumed me, swallowed me whole, the desire that I let drive me has pulled me down, into a deep fire that burns my essence with the knowledge of the sin but provides the comfort of giving into such a temptation. It’s hell so that’s the conflict in yourself; this is something they tell me I’ll burn for, but I’m burning already. It’s not hellfire, it’s heavenly.
“For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions. For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature.”
Admitting such a sin as mortal as lust is only met with shame and disdain. The oath of confessional cannot protect my secrets. My lust, my passion, they cannot be hidden away, for giving into lust makes me feel far more alive than I ever have in any mass, in any confessional. Because when she has her hands in my hair and my clothes are scattered on the ground, no words of priests are in my head. No scripture, no verse of righteousness. No holy rites spoken over me could cleanse my inequity. What is done is done. And what has happened will continue.
“I will not look with approval on anything that is vile. I hate what faithless people do; I will have no part in it.”
No holy water from cathedrals could exorcise it from me. It cannot be taken from me, because it is me. It became me the second my lips met with hers, and stayed with me long after I left. It stays with me as I return again and again. After every mass, I come back, addicted. Resistance is futile, lust and desire have captured my heart, there is room for nothing else.
“But each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.”
Threats of hellfire cannot obstruct me, nor can promises of heaven appease me. What could be better then something that makes you feel so alive? Something that sends life through your veins, instead of constant fear of transgressions that will win you eternal damnation, why not enjoy that which is lovely? Why not give in to such vehement beauty? For the threat of eternal damnation still hangs over your head, regardless of what sin you may be committing.
“For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world.”
I welcome these earthly desires, for they give me a satisfaction the church cannot even hope to provide. All they can offer me is regret, pain, and guilt. They promised me death. Committing a cardinal sin is not a horror. I’ve broken these chains, lust has freed me. They clipped my wings and tied me down, but now I have risen, risen from rapturous flames like a Phoenix, I’ve seen an entire world of ardor.
“Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the lord out of a pure heart.”
The priests can tell me what they wish. The church can condemn me, They can pray for my soul. They can curse my name to the end of their lives, but I have lived and so have risen, and they have lived trapped, caged, and sheltered. We must all die. And if when I die I should spend my life in eternal hellfire, I at least will know I spent my life soaring.
“Give thanks to the Lord for He is good. For His mercy endures forever. Amen.”
– RedAura and Viridian