It was the first thought that could possibly come to mind. You told me to give it everything I had, to just pour myself into it. And all I could think of was us. How just you speaking to me, it was enough to push me forward. It was a breath that passed into my being, and suddenly all I could think, all that would spill from me, was you.
How I felt sleeping next to you, how you pulled me closer. How you spoke of me as though I was some sort of legend, when really I was no one at all. As we slept we seemed to merge together- I believed the words you said. I felt the warmth of you.
Between our lungs, it was trapped, the love for each other that we would say but not through words. Through kisses, through heaving breaths as you put your hands on me as though I was the only thing you ever wanted to touch. I didn’t feel beautiful, ever. Until you touched me. Until you looked at me. Until you spoke to me.
I spoke of it as though it was something that was gifted, because to me you were a gift. So it then was trapped. Because I had no idea how to tell you. How to tell you that you were suddenly everything, everything I wanted to write about, everything I wanted to explore. I wanted you to be my muse. I didn’t just want you to be someone who was along for the ride, I wanted you to be the gasoline.
I could say it to a crowd, I could say it to whoever. But to say it to you felt like I was being too vulnerable, being too forward, being too uninteresting. For you always had some sort of adventure going on, loving craziness and mysteries and things that excited you. I feared that if I spoke my mind I would lose you, because then I wouldn’t be a mystery to you. You’d know it all, it would all be on the table.
But when you told me. Was when I told you about the song. The song where I jumped around, you know me with my metaphors and not coming right out and saying things. Its about me loving you, everything has always been about that.
And you just smiled. And you haven’t left. You stay. As I piece everything together through song, and you never seem any less mesmerized with me. I never feel that I am any less than beautiful in your eyes. I hope you feel the same around me, for to me you are light. You are the light that made me able to see the light in myself. Without you I’d still be stuck. Not knowing what to do, not being able to escape.
But at night when I feel alone and you know just when to hold me and when to leave me be and when to call and what to say, I remember just how you aren’t going anywhere. I can’t say it doesn’t still scare me. The idea of you leaving, of you running off with someone more fascinating than me. But when you look at me, any worry fades, for our lungs may as well be intertwined. Everyone says, what powerful lungs I have. But what they don’t see, is my lungs have been given power by yours. They are intertwined. You give me the words. You give me the power.
Between two lungs, it was released.