• Why?

    by  • February 8, 2017 • * Safe for Work *, Yearning for You • 0 Comments

    Why have I become so weak?
    Is it your fault?
    We have I started to rely on human interaction?
    It’s not fair anymore.
    I used to be able to be able to live perfectly well by myself.
    I never knew love, and it never found me.
    I never craved it, as you can’t crave something that you’ve never had.
    That changed though, when I met you.
    You held my hand, stroked my hair, and you made me happy.
    I loved you. I still do, perhaps even more now.
    The amount of affection you gave me made me happy, but also greedy. Even now, sometimes, I still long to have someone play with my hair, or comfort me and reassure me. I hate you for it, as it has made me weak. I was like a dog, back then. I tried my best to please you, wanting nothing more than to earn a kind word, a smile, or more physical contact. You gave me the love that I never received from my family. I loved you. I just wanted to make you smile. So, why have you never smiled at me, or laughed? Was I truly that unpleasant? Oh, and, I almost forgot about your friend. Do you hate me for it? I never planned on driving her away. I did my best, and I was even friends with her. However, I was jealous. I longed for her to leave. When she did, I felt remorse. She made you happy. I didn’t. Why couldn’t I keep you with me? Was I not good enough? I tried my hardest. Sometimes, when I’m feeling at my worst, I’ll see you in my dreams. You’ll pat my head or lean on my shoulder, just like the good old days. Somehow, I find solstice in that. It gives me what I need to remind myself that my journey can’t end here, that I need to see you one more time. Where are you? You were the only one who would touch me. The others find me repulsive. You showed me kindness. Please come back. I’m ugly, but I’ll try my best to become whatever you want. Help me. Please. No one else will.

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