• A thing that happened

    by  • February 8, 2017 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 3 Comments

    And I keep looking at it, questioning it at various angles varying from realistic concern to horror and chagrin at what most certainly should be imagined visions stemming from this thing.

    We visit his parents and I’m trying to put our daughter of 1 to bed upstairs in the bed I’m sharing with her. I need to use the bathroom so I leave her with him in the closed room. I’m only gone moments and I hear the pitter patter of little feet go by, then the tumbling down the stairs and screaming. Oh my God, I’m panicking, I rush to get to her.
    His mother’s got her, is consoling her, but she doesn’t calm down til she’s in my arms.
    How did this happen?

    It’s a miracle she’s not injured, the stairs are high and steeput.

    I’m talking to him later and I say how upset I am at this, I understand things happen. I’ve fallen before while she was in the harness, but there was no reason for her to even be out of bed here.

    I’d thought I’d resolved this internally, but I mull it over oh fuck I’m imagining terrible things that could happen again and my fearstep resurface when I get home from work on Sunday and Im almost to her room when I hear her fall off the changing table while he’s changing her. She’s screaming and I yell, briefly but I’m yelling, because so often I’ve warned him not to let her move around the table on her own. He shows concern, remorse, and when verbally I accept and respond reasonableto but I’m afraid of the thoughts I’ve been brought to and what it could or should or if it even does mean anything about the character of the man I married.

    3 Responses to A thing that happened

    1. Kc
      February 8, 2017 at 6:39 pm

      Not trying to say all men are this way nor give husbands permission to behave this way… My experience with now two husbands; my ex and current husband have been very similar as yours. I concluded I could never trust my kids to be alone or in their sole responsibility. Things happen around them so thats the 1st flag but if you entrust them then ots almost on you for knowing its happened before and now? Third time shoukd not even occur after that! After a while without conversing with my peers or anyone on the matter i concluded women and men indeed are different and we are naturally protectors and mother hens. Men on the orher hand provide opportunity for growth and indepence. They natuarually are providers but once home fall asleep, etc… Our jobs as moms are truly never-ending yet we knew what we weere getting into upon deciding to have kids. It would ridiculous that despite sharing the working workd with men we woukd expect the same at home. Its not natural. So keep your eyes open and take care of your kid! Your husband is most likely a great person. Just not a great baby sitter!

    2. I hear you loud and clear
      February 9, 2017 at 2:55 am

      I had one the same and idiotically had three children with him – he never got better. He was fucking hopeless and after years of wondering if he had autism, ADD or was just plain effing stupid and didn’t give a rats arse about anyone but himself – I realised he was good at his job – he works with electricity FFS and is meticulous there but left with a baby and told to watch her while I cook dinner, I’m only out of the room for 2 minutes before I can hear her choking on something and have to RUN into the room and fish something out of her throat so she doesn’t die. He looks mystified “How did she get that?” he asks,,, Ummm I don’t know idiot you were the one who was supposed to be watching her. That is a SMALL example of what was years of me having to do EVERYTHING because he couldn’t be arsed. I have come home and the front door has been wide open with 2 toddlers wandering around while he’s asleep – our front door is metres to a road. WTF is wrong with him I wondered. AFter years of research the closest thing I read to him was PASSIVE AGGRESSION. Read about it and don’t take any of his half arsed excuses – if he can do his job, he can be a proper parent – but does he want to be? I’m divorced – I was doing everything on my own anyway so what did I need him for? The resentment is gone, my life is better. Don’t stay as long as I did. They don’t get better. It’s an exercise in frustration trying to get a narcissistic passive aggressive man to change. They simply don’t give a shit about anybody else but themselves.

    3. @Kc
      February 11, 2017 at 5:27 pm

      Men are not ‘good baby sitters??” – fuck that noise. These days women have just as many responsibilities outside the home as men, and yet, they have to come home and be on high alert because he is sleeping on the couch….. they are not babies. They should step up and be responsible. And by the way – when they are with their OWN children it’s not called baby sitting – it’s called parenting. Why should we be ON task, ON HIGH ALERT 24/7 when they can safely fall asleep or go out with the boys knowing perfectly well their children will be safe and well looked after and the house will be clean when they wake up or come home?… Why should we be the ones who are stressed and can’t even take a quick nap after having only 2 hours sleep at night from breast feeding and finding dummies under the cot and changing nappies – we can’t even close our eyes on the couch for half and hour without the fear our children will die? That’s bullshit. We can’t go out at night without coming home to a bomb site. That is bullshit. In fact it’s easier to parent children without having an over grown slack arse taking up more time, making more work and deciding they can’t look after their own children without them being in danger. LEave these men until men start to get the idea that maybe, just maybe, their privileged position of going to work and having a slave at home doing every. single, other thing for them are over. You have been divorced twice – that is proof that men the way they are and conduct themselves are not good enough. They need to change. We have changed – we go to work, we get educations, we earn money – they need to step up in the parenting and stop being overgrown children.

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