I still hate you for what you did to me
But part of me misses you
I dream of you and E.L often. I don’t know why
Tbh I’ve never stopped dreaming of E.L…
That time you were sleeping over, and I suddenly pulled the covers away and I slept as far as possible… I had dream cheated on you with E.L, and I felt a little bit guilty, so I didn’t want you to touch me
But I dreamed of you again last night
The lies you told
I dreamed of your other personality, and how I really do love him, and just miss you
I regret how things ended. Part of me really wanted to work things out with you. Part of me just misses the sex. The sex was good, the rest wasn’t.
You didn’t love me, not really. And did I truly love you? I’ve loved E.L for years, 5 whole years. I was with you for less than 2, and yes I crushed on you before that, but I fell out of love with you a long time before we broke up. I just wanted to try… Keep trying. I didn’t want to be another person who gave up on you. We both used the other as support when we had no one else. We both had awful childhoods. We both needed that one person we could trust. So I refused to turn my back on you. Even in September, when you had your meltdown and told me to not talk to you, so I moved on. I made friends, was hanging round with them. Then your other personality messaged me, telling me what trouble you were in and I was there in an instant. I couldn’t be someone else who left you, but how could you have done that to me?
I’ve been through so much shit since we last spoke, and I’ve had to bottle it up again, because I have no one to talk to. No one to help me through it. Yes I have friends, I just don’t trust them enough.
I’m sick of dreaming about you. I feel that I can never be free of you. You plague my thoughts during the day, all of our memories… All of our future plans… Everything you ever said… Don’t get me wrong, they aren’t good or bad thoughts. I’m just tired of them now. I want to stop thinking of you, the way you’ve stopped thinking of me
I still can’t believe you pretended to kill yourself just to get me to leave you alone
Did you really not think I’d see you at college?