• what I need, I think I need, and I’m nothing

    by  • February 5, 2017 • * Safe for Work *, Loneliness • 0 Comments

    There’s not a soul out there I can confide in…I thought I was broken before…those fragmented, light, dark, and missing bits of soul…They say to see heaven is a blessing…it is, while you’re there…Maybe I’m ment to be alone, maybe boyfriends are a distraction from my “greater” purpose…and that’s why they all cheat on me…they’re only fulfilling there’s soul’s life contact…What the hell did I sign up for?! I understood everything up there, but being in this worthless, painful, betraying body has me in dispair…I feel so selfish for wanting to leave, but I don’t know if I can keep going…

    I have trust issues and I’m sorry for being paranoid….it isn’t without reason…after all, you saved a lot of naked pics of your ex from your phone to e-mail…you had gross pics of some red head that you sent from phone to two e-mail addresses…fyi: a vagina that red could indicate a yeast infection or std…

    I’ve never sent you any naked pics…I probably would have if you didn’t still have the ugly red head pics…I thought you were who you said were…I was mistaken…you still continued to get on the dating sites after I thought we were serious…I should have run the other way…I let myself believe what I wanted…what a dumb**** I am! I’ve never not talked to you because, “I’m just not having this conversation now…I’m not in the mood for this…I can’t believe you. ..” it’s none of my business on what you spend your money on, but the fact thaf you are deceptive with how much you take to gamble with isn’t true…it makes me think you would lie about other things….I saw you spent over $1000 in two weeks…is it a gambling thing, or is it something else? You NEVER leave your phone unlocked around me…which is funny because the first 6 months you left your unlocked all the time…and as long as it was unlocked, I didn’t feel compelled to snoop…I know about the “abouthadit” plenty of fish profile…thanks to caring good friend of mine…she really didn’t want to get involved. ..so I let her be anonymous….

    Maybe this is it for us…I may deserve all the bad I get, but I wouldn’t ignore someone to fulfill my personal gratification…if you loved me…you’d say it…if you thought I was beautiful, you would tell me once in awhile. ..I hate who I am down here…I have no where to go…this feels like hell to me as I am stuck here and cannot escape….all I can do is cry and be ignored…God, please take this pain from me…

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