I believe I see you and things more clearly. I was caught up in my confusing feelings when I told you that I had been thinking of you often and in ways that were not appropriate for my situation. I knew what your reaction would be, as well as my reaction to your reaction. I knew it would hurt on some level, even though we never really had anything to begin with, besides a pen-pal-like friendship and an occasional, brief meetup. It was like digging into myself with a red-hot knife, past the skin and muscle and into the bone, to dislodge a bullet that I had carried around far too long, but that caused me distraction on a daily basis. I know we couldn’t have been. I know that I was no more than a sounding board for you, and I’m glad that I was at least that.
I want you to know that I truly do wish the best for you and that you are a beautiful, strong and capable woman. I hope that you find peace.