Remember that day we went shopping and told me I’d never fit into those jeans? You may have meant well but you set me into a spiral of self hate that I still can’t get out of. Remember when we went shopping with my sister? You told her she would rock those jeans and pushed me away saying this wasn’t a store for me. Remember when I tried them on and they fit? Yet you told me it wasn’t my style and I was trying to copy my sister? Did you mean well then?
Remember when I tried telling you I hated my life? You laughed at me and told me to stop being dramatic. That night I cut myself for the first time. I told you I needed therapy and you told me I was making this up for attention. Did you mean well then?
Remember when I told you I didn’t feel happy about anything? You told me I was lazy and needed to get out more. To stop trying to get attention that people had it worse. Did you mean well then?
Remember when I started high school and was taking three honor classes and doing sports? When I got a C in one of them and cried for days. You told me I was better than this that it was unacceptable and I was grounded for a month. Remember sophomore year? I was taking three honor classes and taking a college class. I asked for a tutor and you told me I didn’t need it. But then I was getting another C and yelled at me for not doing anything to stop it. Did you mean well then?
Remember when I failed my permit test? You told me I didn’t study enough even when I told you I wasn’t ready to take it. Remember when you told me I’d go nowhere if I didn’t step it up? Remember when I stayed up till 5am every night for two weeks to study for finals? Remember when I only did good in three out of six of them? You told me I would never leave Iowa. Did you mean well then?
Remember my senior year? I worked as much as I could to stay away from you and you told me I didn’t contribute enough to the house and took my paychecks? Did you mean well then?
Do you remember when I moved to Italy and never talked to you again. Well I meant well then. We weren’t healthy for each other, but I hope you and Mom are doing well. I love you and I don’t.