I hope you’re not mad at me now, i don’t see the point in putting ourselves through that for nothing.
A few months ago i told you how i felt or tried to. Just tp free myself from the truth. Since then, busy with life and work, ive rarely had you cross my mind. Its kind of nice as weird as that sounds. I still beat myself up over finding any sort of my past on my mind thses days.
But out of nowhere you find that old photograph of us and send it my way, figuring i could use a dose of nostagia.. But for what reason? To remind that little flicker of my soul that theres some conflicted false hopes still burroed down there.
Of course ill always miss you and ill always care. Sadly ill always second guess why and hide that piece of me back away. Im still not sure if its to avoid hurting you, myself, or anyone else for that matter.
But i hope you didnt get the wrong idea.. I really didnt know what you expected in giving me your number. I really dont let the majority of people have mine anymore. There are other ways to reach me that cant be bartered with creepy customers or left in rhe public eye. And i quite enjoy the drama free peace that is being hard to reach in a small town like this.
I dont know if you expected me to actually text or call you though. And i cant imagine that being a good thing right now. I saw your reply.. On that letter i wrote ladt year when i missed talking to you (and i do) but that was the old me and you and weve changed. You told me i was the only thing stopping us from talking and i think you know that wasnt entirely true. You asked why i would express what i did in that letter, if id aimed to hurt you somehow by bringing it up. I would never want to hurt you again.. Its why ill never let you that close. Not so long ad you cant be direct with your expectations of whatever us talking is. I couldnt do that to you. I know you know i care about you. And i know you care about me to. As hard as it would be to do something about that, youd have to decide to try. I could never do it for you. In the mean time.. I couldnt possibly give you my number. I cant understand why you pop into my inbox randomly to catch up for no reason. Ive told you before how hard, near impossible, forgetting you is. Every time i get close you find me somehow.. Because i seem to NEED a dose of nostalgia or some checking in on. what i need is someone who can be honest with me.. And help me build the rest of my life with happy moments and loving memory. Not blasts from the past. Or men that i have to serve 24/7 to hold any value. I work my ass off to have some good in my life and i strive to enjoy what i have. If ever theres a time you want to tey to join me you know how to find me. Until then, i dont need old photos.. Or small talk. Dont hate me.. I just dont understand why we keep doing this time to time. You know id do anything for you.. Do this one thing for me. Km