• Tired Of Being “Saved”

    by  • January 26, 2017 • * Safe for Work *, Confusion • 2 Comments

    2 years ago, I didn’t expect to be here. I thought I’d be long gone. But every time I tried someone would convince me life is worth living. After a while I’d realize it was a lie. Cause once I broke, I was gone. Over and over. Break, mend, then break, mend. You can’t fix glass. And now I’m expected to change. Everything changing so fast. Too fast. I can’t keep up. I never could. These nights I fall apart. Just me writing. Caught in the world’s crossfire. If I knew how much I’d be hurt, I’d have ended it. Now I’m scared. I don’t know what to do. I’m lost and almost gone. Times running out. The abuse is almost over. The pain and fear is gonna win. They’ll think I was pathetic. Think I was crazy. Just a kid who wanted to sleep. But I can’t escape my future. I’m leaving and I’m sorry. To blood on my arm tonight isn’t my first step. But not my last either. I’m tired. I can’t fight a losing war anymore. Why I can’t feel better, I don’t know. Maybe it’s my fear. My knowledge that love is horrifying. Created to convince you you’re healing while it’s really tearing you apart. Please don’t judge me. This isn’t a call for help anymore. Maybe I just wanted someone to know why. Maybe someone out here understands me. My confusion. Why life was so stacked against me. But I can’t ask that anymore,l. I don’t think I’ll ever get an answer. I’m on that cliff’s edge. My feet hanging over. Just needing that push or something to convince me to stay a bit longer. Till then I’m there. Waiting in fear and sadness. But I’m tired of being saved.


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    2 Responses to Tired Of Being “Saved”

    1. Been there
      January 26, 2017 at 4:17 pm

      The answer, my friend, is not to let yourself be saved by others. Because what it all comes down to is that only you know what it is you need to survive. Don’t blame yourself for trusting in others. Be selfish. Take the time and space that you need for yourself. And don’t worry about being judged. This is your battle to win. And when you do, you will be judged for your victory, and everything else will fall away. Good luck to you. I Hope you find your peace.


    2. Kiran
      January 26, 2017 at 4:24 pm

      If you ever need someone to talk to I’m here 🙂 are you from the States or UK?


    3. PeacefulGoal
      January 27, 2017 at 6:57 am

      I felt similar many, many years ago… that life was stacked against me and there was no way to find a happy life. I was wrong… I am very happy now and have a life I wouldn’t want to lose. There are black times in life, it stinks, but it is… it will end and a light time will come. Please hang in there and keep trying.


    4. moi
      January 29, 2017 at 6:29 am

      Sounds like my pooh. Sorry you’re having a rough time; whoever you are.



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