2 years ago, I didn’t expect to be here. I thought I’d be long gone. But every time I tried someone would convince me life is worth living. After a while I’d realize it was a lie. Cause once I broke, I was gone. Over and over. Break, mend, then break, mend. You can’t fix glass. And now I’m expected to change. Everything changing so fast. Too fast. I can’t keep up. I never could. These nights I fall apart. Just me writing. Caught in the world’s crossfire. If I knew how much I’d be hurt, I’d have ended it. Now I’m scared. I don’t know what to do. I’m lost and almost gone. Times running out. The abuse is almost over. The pain and fear is gonna win. They’ll think I was pathetic. Think I was crazy. Just a kid who wanted to sleep. But I can’t escape my future. I’m leaving and I’m sorry. To blood on my arm tonight isn’t my first step. But not my last either. I’m tired. I can’t fight a losing war anymore. Why I can’t feel better, I don’t know. Maybe it’s my fear. My knowledge that love is horrifying. Created to convince you you’re healing while it’s really tearing you apart. Please don’t judge me. This isn’t a call for help anymore. Maybe I just wanted someone to know why. Maybe someone out here understands me. My confusion. Why life was so stacked against me. But I can’t ask that anymore,l. I don’t think I’ll ever get an answer. I’m on that cliff’s edge. My feet hanging over. Just needing that push or something to convince me to stay a bit longer. Till then I’m there. Waiting in fear and sadness. But I’m tired of being saved.