• My Shadow Life

    by  • January 20, 2017 • * Safe for Work *, Depression • 4 Comments

    It’s odd to live in a bubble, my bubble is formed of the illusion of life, of freedom. I have friends. They are distant, they don’t care for me or each other. I have family, they have all gone their own insane paths and we may as well be on other planets for how much impact we make. Just when somethings working, it’s falling apart.

    The floors falling out from under my feet. Relationships end for the strangest reasons, people I think are full of truth are full of lies, and everyone wears a mask in a mad dance. The dancers are affection and jealousy, caring and selfishness, loyalty and disrespect.

    Some people must lose out more then others. It’s not my fault I’m so analytical, I say odd things and I try not to but I can’t help the way my brain works. All of my oddities and my eccentricities are all that I am to these people, they can’t see the music, the art, the compassion. I’m overflowing with love and caring and there’s no one to give it to, no one who has deserved it, I’ve been cut and hurt by the people I let closest to my heart. Is it so hard to ask for another emphatic soul? Why am I alone ever day, why when I try so hard and believe so much in someone, do they go from being an angel to a demon?

    Heartbreak, disappointment, I have never felt more like I have nothing then today.

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    4 Responses to My Shadow Life

    1. @Author
      January 26, 2017 at 12:03 pm

      To some degree the problem here is you. That is you’re being the central character amongst a series of unfortunate interpersonal relations with a variety of people could indicate that you are in some way creating these situations.

      Imagine if with your accepting responsibility for your issues in relationships, all of this could change for the better for you moving into the future!

      It sounds as if you have made the same central mistake again and again, that there is a lesson for you to learn and apply the lesson of in order to achieve different results.

      Perhaps our problem could be one of three things,

      1. You are attracted to the wrong people, Do you keep receiving this information as a result of your own choices? Do you proceed to ignore certain lessons you should know well by now given your experiences? Do you overlook warning signs, have you taken time to review based on your experiences so far that should help you to identify things like red flags?

      2. Do you give away too freely and too quickly expecting too much from others in return? Are your expectations of others as fair as your expectations of yourself? Are you unforgiving? Stubborn? Are you selfish? Are you expecting too much, and not being fair to those who can’t simply obey orders? If someone doesn’t do what you want, is that some sort of betrayal?

      or 3. So you twist things, rewrite happenings to suit your pointl of view or to otherwise justify you’re actions. Someone I once knew who was good at playing victim in conversation with me accused me of twisting things, he proceeded to say he doesn’t know why everybody twists things, it was sad that he couldn’t see himself as the one that was twisting everything, painting himself into a fictional corner as martyr and victim, still while he left a trail of toxic behind is most endeavours where he seemed to have thought he was done wrong.

      Whatever the case, you are responsible for your life, whatever interpersonal struggles you have faced you u have been a part of. It will be easier for you to change yourself than to change others.

      Humans are imperfect by design, there is much going on in the world, in the lives of your friends, lovers and families that likely have nil to do with you.if you can’t accept this then it’s not likely going to ever work with you in a partnership or friendship long term and you will always focus on being disappointed as opposed to happy and loving.


      • Nobody
        January 26, 2017 at 2:58 pm

        I am sure the author appreciates your psychoanalysis. After all isn’t what you wrote exactly what we’d all like to hear when we’re feeling low? There is also a 4., 5., 6 and 7, maybe even more that we don’t know about. You probably meant well but sometimes (not always but sometimes) less is more.


      • we all have our issues
        January 27, 2017 at 4:36 am

        Thank you for posting this. I think this should be allowed to say.


    2. To author
      January 31, 2017 at 3:22 pm

      I understand. People see things differently. People react differently. People deal differently. Not everyone can be a match. But I’ve found that when you let go of your wants, you seem to acquire what you need…



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