So here I go again, writing so I won’t. I will wait for the urge to pass. It’s strong, I feel more confident, less nervous. I wonder what you want our relationship to look like from here on out? What will it look like? Anything? Will we ever talk again? I’m not sure. I’m so not sure that it’s a great sign that contacting you right now is not a good idea. It’s not. I miss you every day. I don’t miss the anxiety. I don’t miss waiting for you in so many ways. I don’t miss feeling like a substitute for your ex-life. I don’t miss watching my dreams of us wash away little by little. I do miss jumping into the car with you and romping around on mountains and making love outside. I miss the processing we did. I miss singing with you and laughing with you and my son. I miss walking. I miss the intimacy. I miss your smell. Like home. I miss making you food, that you loved to eat. I miss eating with you on the table in the back yard. I miss your beautiful smile and the way you created worlds with words. I don’t think this is helping. I’m not surprised. You are in my heart and nothing will make me forget us.