I was taking some time tonight. I had gone out front to go smoke a cig by myself because I never start thinking about the bad things often, but when I do I’m in literally the worst place ever. Tonight I was with you guys. My 3 best friends…and I just felt myself starting to choke, so I grabbed a cig and I ran outside. I didn’t care how cold it was. All of these bad thoughts were climbing around in my mind. I needed to breathe before i broke out into nasty tears. I was thinking about where the hell I’m going to be next week. Dead, alive, my own place, back here? I do not know what to predict. I just want this feeling of no escape to be gone. It hurts to look at you guys, and then look at myself and just realize how big of a problem I am.