I still hate you.
I’m still madly in love with you.
I still don’t understand you.
Your stupid split personality, it started off so easy, one of you was good, the other bad. One I loved, the other I feared. Why did that change?
He got so scared of losing me, he lost the qualities in him that I loved, and gained the ones of you that I hated.
You got the ones in him that I loved.
I loved that you couldn’t lie. I loved that you couldn’t feel emotion, but could admit you loved me, and didn’t want to hurt me purposely.
I loved you.
I don’t know how it went from fearing you, as you strangled me, and hurt me, and manipulated me, to me being so in love with you and craving you, and you loving me.
I don’t know how I hate him, but still love you.
You both hurt me so much. Him emotionally, you physically.
You wanted me to choose, and I chose him, stupidly, and I regretted it straight away, but you hurt me so much physically. I believed I could deal with emotional pain. But then you told me you didn’t want me hurt, and you proved that, when you jumped in front of a car to stop it from hitting me. Something someone couldn’t do if they felt no emotion. No love. I convinced myself he would have done the same.
You scared me because of how you made me feel. I still feared you, but because you had made me love you.
It wasn’t you I should have been scared of.
He was abusing me the whole time. You were fun. You brought out my wild side. You made me feel free, and you taught me to embrace myself.
Then you killed yourself.
I will never forgive you for that.
I will never forgive you for leaving me.