• Dad

    by  • January 13, 2017 • * Safe for Work *, Parents • 0 Comments

    Sometimes with him I like to think by the pure adventure of his youth is how he improves upon my story, he was a dj in his teens, did stuntwork for a brief period of time, was part of the teeter board team travelling with Ringling Bros. went to art school, started his own mechanic shop.

    It can be challenging being his daughter, and I wasn’t around him til my 20s. Neither of my parents Like talking about it, me ma runoft when I was still young. I think dad found her with another man, occassionaly he’ll drink a bit too much and still gets bitter about it and I hear the angry bits.

    Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like to grow up with him. He’s kind of an aggressive guy and can be a total bully, his sister talked about a few times. The other girls he raised don’t speak to him now.

    It was often a struggle for me coming into his life at a later age and him seeing so much wrong with my lack of direction in life and overall general person. My weight was brought to my attention more than I would like, it seemed like I failed to meet expectations in a lot of areas.

    I couldn’t afford independence with what he paid me so when I could no longer get by working for him I got a job at a place similar to something I enjoyed pre life in this city.

    I was so proud of the car he gave me. I considered her my chariot. I knew it was a guilt gift but after the rough few years I had before with vehicles and such she seemed more like a gateway to better things for me, complete with a little bit of my own design on the hood. People complimenting me on her and taking pictures of her never failed to cheer me up or make my day.

    As I made money, I wasn’t particularly good at saving it, I’d spend it out with friends, on friends,food,later on school, art habits, body modifications. I got this thinking going that if I made a few friends well versed in how to make a living with their art I could carve my own way doing something I’m passionate about. My dad wasn’t particularly supportive of an art career so I had my major technically listed as shooting for an associates of applied science.

    No matter how frustrated I got living with him, whenever I’d talk about it being time to look for a place of my own or voice my fears about upsetting him enough for him to kick me out he’d just huff and gother ‘ you’re my child don’t worry about it, save your money. Though the sentiment was good, as year after year passed I’d start to panic a little more, I’m too old to still be in this position of barely getting by, of not feeling like I could live up to all the interesting things dad did with his own life, but I also see his life as it is now, him as a workaholic with maybe a 2 week break in the year to go visit abroad and sprinkle in work there too, I see him unable to keep reliable help to run his business and I worry for him. I’m glad he has said his wife now. She’s eccentric and hot headed but she keeps him company, her son is moving out this way soon too, she says he’s got a liking for mechanics.. I’m hoping they get along, I’m sure they’re going to bring him in on the business. I’m not fashioned for that business myself.

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