• You do not deserve this

    by  • January 12, 2017 • * Safe for Work *, Closure • 0 Comments

    I need to write this letter
    Because I’m happy now and nobody likes it when you bring up the past.
    Not my past.

    I need to write this letter because you’re in prison now.
    You’re in prison because you tried to kill your wife.
    You strangled her almost to death.

    A woman who so easily could have been me.

    Only a year and a half ago.

    I need to write this because you thought it would be okay to call me from jail even though we hadn’t spoken in over a year.
    Maybe you thought I’d bail you out like last time, and the time before that.
    But those times were different.

    This time I don’t love you.

    And it’s not me that you hurt.

    So I dont get to decide that you’re not guilty.

    I need to write this because you thought that I’d pay a whole three dollars to hear your voice from jail.
    Even if I wanted to I couldn’t.

    We both know I don’t use my card anymore.

    I know I was always that one. The one who never left no matter what. But I’m not anymore.

    I need to write this because I have let go, but a part of me still feels like I’m holding on. To what? I don’t know.
    I still talk to your mom. And I go to your brothers concerts. But we never talk about you.

    I need to write this because I am in a relationship of a short 7 months as opposed to 4 years.

    But I don’t cry anymore.

    I don’t have bruises anymore.

    And he kisses my scars.

    I wrote this because I needed closure. To tell myself it’s over and I don’t need to feel the things you made me feel anymore. I’m glad we are where we are. And I’m glad it wasn’t me.

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