I told him to be careful, I was more worried than usual because I heard he’d be an accident.
He called me later in the day. He’d totalled his car.
Dad gets him another one, similar model.
I’m thinking there’s going to be another accident, but I think there’s no way he could possible get into another accident so soon.
When he calls to tell me the news. I ask if it’s an April Fools Prank before I ask if he’s okay because it all seems so strange to me.
I worry about these things being indicative of something worse further along, and further dread that Ive known for a very long time. But then of course I also scoff because who could see that accurately so darn ahead….so then I just think I’m an asshole because I’may worked up about this. I try to remind myself caring isn’t creepy, but I toss about with thoughts wondering how much I could or do actually know about this and I wonder if I’ve set myself up for tragedy, but I needed love. He gave it to me and I loved him for it. I told myself when I asked for a sign and got a lightening bolt that there could be no arguing with that.
He sought out a high risk job repairing cell phone towers, that occasionally takes him out of state for the week. This week he’s in Vegas and he tells me he climbed a tower that had a giant fan blade feared would cut his head off.
He assures me the work is safe but when we talk future plans for things years down the road he jokes quite frequently “if I’m alive then.”
I don’t find it funny.
I tell him this. I ask him why he does this and he says he just never imagined himself living that long, which is a response Ive heard from others before aND felt on occasionally myself but still..