• The Weakest Part In Me

    by  • January 9, 2017 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 5 Comments

    I spoke of her. I said it aloud. I said it and it’s very deep, very sensitive, the weakest part of me. I began talking about it. I said that yes, I did love her. It is so serious to me that anyone not taking it seriously blows holes through my heart. It hasn’t happened before. Everyone sees it on my face, hears the story, feels the way my essence reacts to even her name.

    He spoke of it as a drizzle. When dear lord, it was a tsunami, an earthquake, a massacre, a knife straight into my being. It made me lose my footing. I couldn’t speak of it this way. It wasn’t just a hormonal thing. It wasn’t just admiration. Fuck, I fucking loved that woman. I loved her for four years. Every inch of my skin was her. An abyss resided within me, all her.

    It shook me to the core, something so heavy, treated so lightly.

    I see it as so overwhelming, so deep, people either understand it but can’t take further conversation on it, it gives them panic themselves. Or they can’t grasp it to the point where they won’t even admit the severity of the situation.

    It’s okay. I understand. But it hit me just how hard insulting all it was, everything in it’s entirety, affected me.

    5 Responses to The Weakest Part In Me

    1. Anonymous
      January 10, 2017 at 10:45 am

      I can relate. Somehow meeting that person for the first time, forever changed my life. A connection so deep and powerful. I thought I had lost my mind…and maybe I did. I felt the most excruciating pains as I was put on a path of the deepest soul-wrenching indescribable cleansing of every little pain I had ever had. Every insecurity, doubt, hate, fear. Crying so much I may have cried a lifetime’s worth by now. I wanted to die. I felt deep soulful feelings for this person. I saw in them what resided in myself. Everytime we locked eyes. All the convincing myself that it wasn’t possible to feel so deeply, to care so much…vanished. This unconditional love purged all the negativity I had out of me. I knew that this was not a result of hormones or some other logical explanation. My heart had always ruled over my body. I had never been attracted to anyone so intensely before. Simce day 1. I tried denying thia knowing within me…which was that I have always loved them. Even when I conciously didn’t know. My heart and soul knew. The difference is that I accept that I love them on a conscious level.

    2. Even more anonymous
      January 12, 2017 at 4:50 pm

      I can relate too
      Its a privilege, in a way, to have felt that deeply: I wouldn’t have believed it existed if I hadn’t experienced it myself.
      My north, my south, my east, my west
      My working week and my Sunday rest.
      So very sad to have felt it slip away.

    3. KC
      January 13, 2017 at 1:37 am

      Yes that feeling 🙁

    4. Even more anonymous
      January 13, 2017 at 4:48 pm

      It makes it so hard to accept that it just wasn’t (or isn’t anymore) the same way for them.

    5. Ditto
      January 14, 2017 at 5:57 pm

      Every. Single. Word. Of the letter and the comments. I never knew that I could feel this deeply. And all of my insecurities, fears, angers, struggles… They just keep bubbling to the surface for me to deal with. I thought I had so long ago. But this, whatever this is that has made me lose my mind, it’s so deep that I’ve run from it for so long. I find it scary. And painful.

    Leave a Reply