Dear Abusive Ex-Boyfriend,
Please, don’t flatter yourself. This letter isn’t being written because you still take up space in my mind or because you are worth any more than a second thought. No, this letter is being written because I feel as though what you put me through is worth sharing, because unfortunately, there are many guys out there who share the same M.O. as you, and because there are far too many girls who fall victim to them, just as I once did with you. Having learned an incredible amount from our relationship, I feel obligated to inform those who are stuck and too afraid to get out how this all really works, and that they are anything but alone in this adversity, even though that’s exactly how it feels.
Just like most other abusers, you were charming in the beginning, long enough so that you could get the best of me. Do you remember that? How you made it seem like you genuinely cared, how all the times that you showed a tinge of control by letting your true self shine through a bit a little too early on, you’d chalk it up as “just worrying about me” or “just caring about me so much”. Well you know what? Props to you for taking advantage of my vulnerability and overly trusting nature in the beginning. You did it well, you really made it all very believable, it must make you feel like such a big man.
Eventually, you let the whole façade fade, and what once seemed like an overly caring personality began to slowly, but ever so surely, turn into the controlling and manipulative person I came to fear. At first, it was little things, like insisting I text you every time I got into and out of my vehicle, even if it was just a five-minute drive down the road. You just worried and wanted to make sure I was safe you’d claim, I guess that’s why you’d get furious with me if I forgot to let you know I had arrived someplace, and then continue to “punish” me by giving me the silent treatment for however long seemed fit? How endearing of you. It eventually turned into you getting mad at me because some random guy’s eyes wandered on me a little too long out in public, or you accusing me of “staring” at other guys, including a few of your few friends, when, in reality, I was just existing, and doing nothing of the like. You see, I can’t totally blame you, because I was stupid enough to put up with your shit for quite some time. I was dumb to not see through the smoke of what was really going on. I trusted you, when that was the last thing I should’ve done.
Throughout the course of our relationship you only got worse. You would make me feel guilty for doing the things I loved to do because it took time away from you, so I’d rush through them for the sole purpose of avoiding an argument. You tried to isolate me from my friends, you made other guys afraid to talk to me due to your jealousy and many, many insecurities, so I avoided making too many plans with my friends and talked to hardly any of my guy friends at school. You threatened to break up with me if I went off to school to further my education. So, I told you I’d try to stay home and commute. Basically, anything that I had in my life that wasn’t you, you tried to either take away or push away from me. You would call me every name in the book and tell me to leave if I denied you in any way, like I was just around for your pleasure. And moreover, what really gave me the courage to leave you was when you were not only emotionally abusive and controlling, but when you began to show signs of becoming physically abusive with me. And for all of that, fuck you.
But enough about what you did.
I don’t regret our relationship. And the only reason I say this is because it made me grow. It taught me what it felt like to be so beaten down, that I now appreciate my life to the fullest without you in it. It taught me what abuse and control was, so that now I fully appreciate those who treat me well, especially my boyfriend who is all around the absolute best person, and so much more of a man than you will ever be. It taught me that there are people in this world, people like you, who need to use others as pawns in their game, for the sole purpose of making their miserable selves feel better. I pity you. It must be awful to live such a sorry life.
I also want to thank your sorry ass. Thank you, for beating me down to my lowest, for breaking me down to my very last sense of feeling, because when I hit rock bottom and decided that I wasn’t going to take your abuse anymore and broke up with you, I gained back everything you robbed me of, and I gained knowledge of what an unhealthy relationship looked like. You showed me what someone trying to be a man looks like, so that now I can appreciate what a real man is. Thank you, for showing me what love isn’t, because now, I know what it is and how real love feels; how it feels to be appreciated and accepted and not controlled – those were all things I never experienced with you. Thank you, for teaching me what an awful, arrogant, insignificant, and most importantly, insecure person you are. Because really, you abused me because of your own demons and insecurities, and honestly, I feel sorry for you. I feel sorry that you’re so miserable, that the only way to make yourself feel better is to make those around you miserable as well. But really, thank you for showing me all that you did, because I have grown so much as a person and found so much happiness within my life since I left you. You don’t know me anymore. And you never will again.
So, here’s to you, abusive ex-boyfriend. I can only hope that you’ve learned something from all that you put me through, that you’ll treat the next poor girl to fall victim to you better, and that you’ll learn from your mistakes; a little bird tells me you haven’t learned a thing. Maybe one day you’ll figure it out. But then again, you probably won’t, you were never the brightest. So, I’ll pray for you, it must be hard being such a miserable, controlling, and pathetic soul. Bless your heart.
A girl you used to know
I want those who are reading this, whether you can personally relate to this or not, to understand that you are not stuck, you are not alone. You are not worthless, you are deserving of love. Your abusers are the ones with the problem, not you. If you are being abused or in a controlling relationship, get help, get out. Because no matter how much they say they will, they will not change. And the day you let go of these toxic relationships, is the day you start really living your life, and you will find happiness.