• Clusters

    by  • January 6, 2017 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 8 Comments

    A comment got me thinking, feeling. And it brought up more that I feel you deserve to know.

    I feel that way too. Clusters of flirtations, I mean. As soon as I figure out I’m sending or could possibly be sending signals and crossing that invisible line, I pull away. I back off. I keep telling myself, reminding myself what we really are… Friends. I am fighting my own heart here. I am fighting my conscience. I am struggling to balance the joy of being around you with the guilt I feel for that joy. Forgive me for the mixed signals. Please forgive me for making you feel led on, if I have.

    The commenter stated that he was stuck being friends. Well so are we. Stuck. Stuck here like this, being friends. Because neither of us has it in us to cross that invisible line.
    Neither of us will let ourselves become the terrible kind of person that causes pain to others. Even if that means we sacrifice our own happiness. Just being in your presence is pure bliss. That is enough for me. It has to be.

    But I mean the words when I say them. I do love you. Please don’t question that.

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    8 Responses to Clusters

    1. Is that
      January 6, 2017 at 2:36 pm

      What you do? why you do it? Just so you know , It hurts. And it does my head in.
      Should we just forget this the ? whatever this is. It seems it is too much for the both of us.
      I don’t want to spend this year like this, I don’t and I can’t.
      The ball is in your court from now on. Do what you think is best for you, and I’ll follow your lead. Nothing more, nothing less.




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    2. Just me
      January 7, 2017 at 2:41 pm

      So relatable




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    3. Author
      January 9, 2017 at 1:40 pm

      Look, I am sorry. I never intended to cause pain. I am so very sorry. I should’ve walked away forever ago. Just cut my losses and walked away licking my wounds. But I didn’t. I chose to stay because I enjoy your presence in my life. I like feeling alive again after feeling like a zombie for so long. Is that so wrong? I’m sorry.




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    4. Is that@author
      January 10, 2017 at 11:04 pm

      Sorry seems I’ve also sent you into a tailspin of confusion/delusion, again, I am not your person, sorry you are not him.




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    5. Not your wife
      January 12, 2017 at 4:35 pm

      Then you get old. Then you die. No more time left. Yes it would hurt everyone but sometimes true love does that. Either way, it doesnt matter because we don’t speak. I deserve to know? I already knew the above. Yes your friendship was enough because it had to be. What didn’t have to be were the lies, the convoluted manipulating because you knew my feelings. I loathe you for the “hook me up with a dirty bitch” situation. I came out of that scathed. I can’t even ever be with you because now I’m damaged goods. Think about that for a minute. You were my downfall and always will be. The fucked up thing? My heart wants what it wants and always will soooo I killed that thing and burnt it to shreds. I think with my mind now.




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    6. @notyourwife
      January 14, 2017 at 6:19 pm

      What are you even talking about? Hook me up with a what?




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    7. Desparate thoughts
      January 16, 2017 at 12:44 pm

      Of how could I possible keep you close so I could enjoy being near you without causing an upheaval, but I see how that would be a disrespectful and offensive request to someone that you not only feel tremendous attraction and affection towards but does for you as well.




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    8. Don't do it.
      January 18, 2017 at 7:22 pm

      Just stop. Now.




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