• A New Beginning

    by  • December 27, 2016 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 1 Comment

    You are neither my regret nor are you my greatest failure, no, I don’t know who you are now. You changed so much since we parted ways, in ways that I sometimes fear cannot be reverted because no matter how much you say we are now strangers, a part of me still cared about you, no matter how bitter, angry you turn at the world, I will still care, and I will still offer my shoulder if you ever decide to return to me.

    It’s just like that rose at the end of POTO the movie, you see. She may be gone, she may have lived a life forgetting the darkness she saw, but the prince of darkness will never forget.

    You used to be such a sweet soul, full of creativity and happiness despite the bumps and ditches you run into. But now, now all I can see is that this once sweet soul has been replaced by something darker, angrier, hateful, even. And I won’t deny I feel afraid for you. I don’t want to see this beautiful soul fall into forever oblivion, but alas, there is little I can do about it, and that is what hurts me the most.

    I never liked it when I see someone who needs a shoulder have no one, especially not one I cared about.

    I always like to think I let the past go, that it is no longer with me, but then I realize it still does. I kept all those things you sent me, by the way, because they remind me so much of you when you were the sweetest person on Earth, and I sometimes look back on our older conversations and wonder how it would have been if you were still… you.

    I also look back to things I made for you, by the way, and wonder how it might have been.

    I want to let go, but I at the same time can’t let you go entirely.


    One Response to A New Beginning

    1. To Author
      January 20, 2017 at 1:23 pm

      You’re cruelty that I didn’t understand, that seemed to be resentment to my not just giving in to something more than what we had at your supposed request, that’s what turned me. Especially when I still don’t know why, how you were so supposedly hurt to react in such a way, I don’t know if youre lying, if you lied. So much of what you said and did don’t match up. If you cared truly then why couldn’t you help me to understand befor letting me go, why couldn’t you ease my confused pain with some truth that reflects your actions? Why didn’t you care enough to want to fix it? I don’t know. And I am bitter now, I don’t want to be but it’s hard to deal with, hard to recover from, a big part of me died when I came to realize either one of two things about our story, and while I remain stagnant and frozen without knowing the facts that would have helped me to move forward I remain in this deadened state, a living zombie. 2016 was the worst year of my life, it shouldn’t have been, compared to years of my youth and such but it was. I both lost and removed myself from the life that I had for good reason, and now you’re gone too. It’s okay. It’s just really hard when I’m still living in the past, looking for the clues to find my answer. All j can hope is that I either come back to the person I remember myself being or otherwise I become a better person in this process of transition. I don’t know. It’s been fairly traumatic for me.

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