• I’m Sorry For Hurting You

    by  • December 20, 2016 • * Safe for Work *, Sorry • 2 Comments

    To the person that I left,

    I am sorry for hurting you. I am sorry for ending our relationship. There are so many words I wish I could tell you at the time, but I knew that me telling you would only make it harder for us to let go of one another.

    You should know that it is not because I did not love you… or that I did not love you enough to stay. Know that you are good enough, not just for me, but for anyone else that your heart desires. You are an amazing person who is filled with so much determination that I admire. You are filled with love for the ones you care about, including your family. You light up anyone’s world, including mine, but I knew it wasn’t the right time.

    From the beginning of the time that we started to talk again, before we got together, I knew in my gut it was not a good idea. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be with you or that I did not like you. It was that I knew it was not good timing, but I couldn’t resist because I found myself falling for you. After we started our relationship, it was great. You treated me like a princess. You treated me like I made you feel like the luckiest person in this world. You should know that everything you did for me, for us, was enough. But there was just something still not good enough. And it wasn’t you.

    It was timing. I knew that as much as you said I was not holding you back, I was a big determining factor of your future. You are filled with so many ideas and determination for your future. I did not want to be the deciding factor of where your career takes you. I did not want you to settle behind back at home when I knew you could do even better somewhere else. I wanted you to fly and explore the places in this world that you deserve to see. I didn’t want to rush you into fulfilling your career in a faster timeline just so that I wouldn’t have to “wait” for you. Truth is, I didn’t mind waiting for you because at the end of the day, I was in love with you. But I knew that you wouldn’t be willing to do everything that you imagined yourself to do if I was in the background waiting for you.

    Up until this day, I miss you so much. I miss talking to you. I miss being with you. But I know it is selfish of me to still keep you in my life. I know that I hurt you, and as much as it kills me knowing that, it is something I have to live with for the rest of my life. When I made the decision to leave the relationship, I already knew this would happen. I knew I would hurt you, and I know I would be the bad person. But even up to this moment, I don’t care if you hate me that I hurt you. I can live with it because now I know you can really be yourself and focus on your career and what you really want to pursue in your own timeline. If I was still in the picture, the time to reach your goals would be so different, and I didn’t want that. Knowing that you are doing okay now and back on track makes me happy.

    Even if I miss you as much as I do, I know it was for the better. I told myself if I loved you, I had to let you go and do your thing. We found each other once again, and if we are meant to be, life will bring us back together somehow, someday.

    I just want you to know I am sorry and to let you know I am not worth you changing your plans.

    You deserve better.

    2 Responses to I’m Sorry For Hurting You

    1. love sick Annie
      December 22, 2016 at 10:01 am

      What if the person you wrote this letter to wanted to make you part of future plans? What if you ending the relationship messed up what they were planning for the future?

      Just read the letter and thought I would ask. If this letter had been written to me, this would be a question I would have for the person that left me.

      I just think that when two people care about each other deeply then they owe it to each other to sit and talk things over instead of one person of the two assuming what needs to be done and just walking away.

      Its not an equal relationship other wise. When you said in the letter ” you deserve better ” just seems a bit like a one sided assumption. I’m sure your person knows what they deserve. What if they think your perfect? Does their opinion even matter? Did you give them any voice at all about the relationship ending? I would think that because you allowed the person to get close to you that you would allow them some voice to be heard in the matter.

      Best Wishes.

    2. Japh
      July 13, 2017 at 11:54 pm

      I have read this message over at least once a month since you posted it in December. I keep wishing these words were from the one who left me, I can’t help but still love her. I come here to this site and I search and search for just one small part of her voice or her words and it starts off one way and ends up with me throwing a new cell phone in the trash or paying too much to have newly installed wifi connected. I can’t get free from the feeling of her, she was with me my whole life and still is, but I have been working on myself. I started living life, making new friends, trying new things, paying my own bills, living alone, becoming the mature man I never had the chance to become before and and even though I am doing fine, I would even say I am blessed in life, there is this huge price of my soul missing from where she made her home. Even though I have experienced more adventure the past couple of years than my life before her, it is never enough to take away the sound of her voice or the way her skin felt when I finally felt her for the first time. The way her wedding dress looked against a starry silhouette, these things can never go away. I don’t know how I made a mess of things like I did, but as I mature in life and grow at my work and find how much joy I derive from doing a good job or ministering to others who are hurting like me, I can still hear the way she would say things, hear her words as if she is there with me and it brings about the same sensations and feelings for her. I would hope she is happy, and if I never see her again I will always cherish our time together, I am not made to love another. I was made for her, or she for me but we could not seem to have it both ways. I hope that she finds the happiness and fullness in her heart in equal measure to the sorrow and emptiness where that home I gave to her now sits empty. My life will never be the same, and I will learn to handle this thorn that digs at my side and sometimes twists it’s way around reminding me of all I lost she I lost her, of how much she really meant to me and I have to fight the desire to hate myself because that has always been what keeps me from growing but oh how I want to hate myself for loosing her. The fault is mine alone, we were brought together and I in my infinite wisdom was not able to keep her here with me. In the end she made her choice, and now I must make mine, but I wish she could be here with me, that she could have held out for just a little bit longer to see me grow into a mature man. If I see her again, and she makes any demand, it will be as she wishes. Thank you for posting, sorry for writing such a long tedious thing but I feel a bit lighter for it.

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