To the person that I left,
I am sorry for hurting you. I am sorry for ending our relationship. There are so many words I wish I could tell you at the time, but I knew that me telling you would only make it harder for us to let go of one another.
You should know that it is not because I did not love you… or that I did not love you enough to stay. Know that you are good enough, not just for me, but for anyone else that your heart desires. You are an amazing person who is filled with so much determination that I admire. You are filled with love for the ones you care about, including your family. You light up anyone’s world, including mine, but I knew it wasn’t the right time.
From the beginning of the time that we started to talk again, before we got together, I knew in my gut it was not a good idea. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be with you or that I did not like you. It was that I knew it was not good timing, but I couldn’t resist because I found myself falling for you. After we started our relationship, it was great. You treated me like a princess. You treated me like I made you feel like the luckiest person in this world. You should know that everything you did for me, for us, was enough. But there was just something still not good enough. And it wasn’t you.
It was timing. I knew that as much as you said I was not holding you back, I was a big determining factor of your future. You are filled with so many ideas and determination for your future. I did not want to be the deciding factor of where your career takes you. I did not want you to settle behind back at home when I knew you could do even better somewhere else. I wanted you to fly and explore the places in this world that you deserve to see. I didn’t want to rush you into fulfilling your career in a faster timeline just so that I wouldn’t have to “wait” for you. Truth is, I didn’t mind waiting for you because at the end of the day, I was in love with you. But I knew that you wouldn’t be willing to do everything that you imagined yourself to do if I was in the background waiting for you.
Up until this day, I miss you so much. I miss talking to you. I miss being with you. But I know it is selfish of me to still keep you in my life. I know that I hurt you, and as much as it kills me knowing that, it is something I have to live with for the rest of my life. When I made the decision to leave the relationship, I already knew this would happen. I knew I would hurt you, and I know I would be the bad person. But even up to this moment, I don’t care if you hate me that I hurt you. I can live with it because now I know you can really be yourself and focus on your career and what you really want to pursue in your own timeline. If I was still in the picture, the time to reach your goals would be so different, and I didn’t want that. Knowing that you are doing okay now and back on track makes me happy.
Even if I miss you as much as I do, I know it was for the better. I told myself if I loved you, I had to let you go and do your thing. We found each other once again, and if we are meant to be, life will bring us back together somehow, someday.
I just want you to know I am sorry and to let you know I am not worth you changing your plans.
You deserve better.