I had a big crush on this guy and i thought he was the One.we had many things in common and i liked his thoughts, words, hands, gestures, Eyes, Energy…everything. I didn’t idealize him like a God or sth but he was quite perfect FOR ME. He was super intelligent and that made me feel stupid. In basis i think that humans fall in love at first with look or intelligence, then as you get to know him/her,you realize other reasons, infinite reasons. And i had neither of these two factors, i am just average.
this thought killed me. Why could not i be good enough for him, so we could deserve each other equally?
i knew he was single but one day i saw him with the least expected person in this world. i can not judge people for being good or bad cause such a thing doesn’t exist. we created the boundary between good and bad.anyway… she is just way different from him. Like skew lines, complete different planes.
AND THEN HE KISSED HER
i just saw the whole thing from the window and i was so shocked and filled with anger. i hated myself for fantasizing every moment or even thinking that he was too perfect for me.
Did i cry? of course but just for 2 min and i didn’t feel anything anymore for him. I JUST FELT MYSELF GROWN UP AND I THOUGHT I WAS, I AM TOO PERFECT FOR ME. I SHOULD NEVER UNDERESTIMATE MYSELF FOR MY ABILITIES. I DESERVE EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING FOR AS LONG AS I LOVE MYSELF.
I’M REALLY THANKFUL THAT I FINALLY LEARNT HOW TO LOVE MYSELF.
(i still have feelings for him sometimes but i’m letting feelings flow.)