Everything for me has always been very fast paced, loud, messy, yet I’ve always referred to it as poetry in motion. For even in the chaos I have found a beauty. That was always how I made the insanity somewhat sane, I wrote it out in a different language then how it was actually happening. Making pretty words out of brutal pain. Pouring glitter around open wounds. Awaiting each and every painful incident for it inspired a new song. A wildness lived within me willingly walking into every storm, loving everything it brought me.
But I was always in the same place. Now I’m somewhere else. I’ve grown to be somewhat comfortable here. As comfortable as someone like me can be. But now I have to leave again. I have to go somewhere I especially don’t want to go.
Someone lived there before me. Someone with bad energy all around, a terrible life. They died young and unexpectedly. I don’t want to come into contact with the same spirits. I don’t want to fall victim to the same fate. I can’t imagine myself sleeping in the same place she slept, breathing in the same place she took her final breaths.
I don’t think even I can make anything beautiful out of that.
I’ve always been in a whirlwind but never one that required me to move. To pick up and leave homes and be expected to start over. I don’t think I can do it again. Especially not like this.
If that is where I end up, I want to take time knowing the spirits that tormented her. Learning the ins and outs and the walls of that place. I want to spin the darkness from it and put it into my world.
Chaos in motion is sometimes meeting the devil you don’t know, and he’s sometimes better than the one you do.
A descent into darkness is a never ending cycle of meeting new demons in each realm, figuring them out. As they make a home with you, you soon become comforted by them.
I have never been afraid. I will not be now.