• Missing you

    by  • December 18, 2016 • * Safe for Work *, Grief • 0 Comments

    Hey. In two days it will be a month since you have passed. But tomorrow it will be a month since we last hung out. It still comes to mind every time I get high I start to freak out and I can’t control myself. I just feel this urge to burst into tears. I think about you from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep. There is not a single way I can explain this feeling. It’s worse than being sad, stronger than happiness…for the first time I feel grief.
    I remember the happy times. I remember one day you coming up to me at lunch one day saying; “You look sad, Don’t be sad, I love you.” And after that day you always took me out to lunch. We would walk randomly around the city, or we would run to McDonalds- or “McDicks” As you called it. We would smoke every day, and we would just always be by each others sides. Talking about anything, we never found a moment of silence when we hung out.
    I just feel as though I have taken advantage of all these times we went out. If i would have known that night was your last night alive I would have made it spectacular.
    But hey, your last night on earth, you got high as FUCK! It made me happy to know that I was there. T says that we were there that night for a reason. It was honestly one of the best nights of my life. I still think of the four of us sitting by that shitty “Bonfire” Smoking out of a huge ass steam roller. We smoked so much, and we ate cake and listened to music and for once…for once in my life I felt as though things were going to be okay just as long as I had my buddies next to me.
    This song came on today. This beautiful song but I couldnt help but come to tears when it came on, because the first time I ever heard that song it was the night that you died, and i just didnt feel right listening to this song without you. You would have loved it. I think about you a lot. There is never a moment you don’t cross my mind.
    Every song makes me think of you, and everytime I see your art in the hallways I want to cry.
    Every day at school I walk to the commons and I sit there and wait for you. I just wait and wait and wait; thinking that eventually you will come but I know deep down its real and you will never come down to see me.
    All I want, is for you to know that I love you.

    Leave a Reply